Wednesday, March 17, 2010


I'm out of the loop, and I know it is my fault. I posted on facebook that my ward had forgotten about me only after a month, but I realize it is more likely that in just a month's time, many have not had time to notice that I am missing, especially with the melding of new people in a ward with new boundaries at the beginning of January.

But here are a few things that have happened as a result...

At the end of February, after my not attending church the entire month, my visiting teacher called. She was going to come right after church on Sunday. That was the day the kids stayed home and we watched a movie. So as 2 p.m. neared and we were still in our pjs, I got dressed and ready, had the kids clean up stuff a bit, but she never came. Later that night I saw her at a meeting at the church with our daughters and told her I missed her. She is our youngest child's primary teacher, so since he wasn't at church she assumed he or I was sick and so she didn't want to bother me.

I told her that I was not going to church any more and had not been there for a month. She had no idea, which I guess makes sense since she is in the Primary.  But the RS presidency knew--wasn't that information to pass along?

The following Wednesday, our oldest son had scouts. I was at parent/teacher conferences and got home only a few minutes before he did. He immediately came in and pinned a mother's pin on me from scouts. I had no idea it would be a court of honor that night, and I probably could have arranged to get off early and be there had I known. :(

Then, this past Wednesday, a counselor in the RS presidency called about her girl scout cookies, since she had not been home every time we tried to deliver them. I had just been on the phone with my dad, who mentioned that my mom was going to a special relief society dinner in her ward that night to commemorate the birthday of the relief society organization. I had forgotten that it always happened in March. So while I had this lady on the phone, I asked her about it and she said, "Oh, that was last night. I guess there were so many sisters there and I didn't notice you weren't. It turned out really nice. You would have loved it." Way to rub salt in the wound. She went on to ask me who my visiting teachers are. She said they were making some changes to visiting teaching routes, but that when I had new ones assigned to me, she would be sure to let them know to keep me informed.

I posted on facebook that the whole thing made me kind of depressed. Interesting results from my facebook status--private messages from old friends wondering why I wasn't going to church, comments from ward members assuring that they haven't forgotten me.

The most interesting result was on Sunday. A good friend in the ward, someone who has actually not been afraid to approach the subject with Scott and I since he bore his testimony, said that she had planned to bear her testimony that day and read "this" (and she handed me a piece of folded note paper).

Her "script" started with how welcome she has felt in the ward even though her husband is innactive. Then it went on to say how ashamed and disappointed she is at how the ward has treated our family, specifically mentioning the relief society event of the past week. It included a scripture about not judging in Alma 41:14. I could not hold back the tears as I read, but I was also shaking my head and telling her not to do it. She said she had shown it to a counselor in the bishopric that morning at an interview. He asked her not to do it, but agreed that the ward could make a greater effort to reach out to our family.

I feel like most people in the ward itself have been great. And again, the whole relief society dinner thing was probably because people are not used to me NOT being there and hearing the announcements. Prior to the rs dinner, our next door neighbor did call and invite us to a ward dinner at her home (small groups ate at homes and then went to the church for dessert.) I thought that was nice, and I don't know if Scott enjoyed it, but I did.

And then there's the kids...

The main reason I went to sacrament meeting this past Sunday was to get my kids to church, since none of them wanted to go at all the last time. But after sacrament meeting was over, they knew I intended to go home, and they all wanted to come with me instead of staying for their classes. I reminded them that we would have our own lesson, and there would be no computer or nintendo for at least the two hours. But they didn't care, and I ended up being so depressed. What have I done? They started out so strong going without me. The didn't put up any or much of a fight about going to sacrament meeting with me. I don't think I'm ready to face Sunday school and relief society yet, and the last time I just sat in the foyer was the worst because that is when I ran into the stake president.

Maybe the weather will let me sit outside under a tree?


I will figure it out. They are good kids, but I guess my actions are more influential with them than I ever realized, which is obviously both good and bad. : \


Anonymous said...

I've never posted on your blog, but at times I've felt inclined to. I found it completely by accident, started reading it, and continue to check it just to see how you're doing. I just wanted to let you know how amazing I think you are. I'm in constant awe at the lengths you go to to try and make your husband happy. I've learned much from you and have applied the things that you've taught me in my marriage to improve it. I'm sorry for the problems that you may be having with the church. I know its a place to go when we need to be uplifted and I'm sorry that you didn't get that when you went. I really hope you come back full force because I think our church could use good members like you who are aware of the impact unthoughtful actions can have. I know our Heavenly Father loves you and is watching over you. I've never met you but I just wanted you to know that I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. I hope that you find happiness in whatever path life leads you down!

Sarah said...

Wow, thanks anonymous, for your comments. Just think how boring life would be if we didn't have all of this stuff to challenge us! I really appreciate you making your thoughts known. Take care!

Bran said...

Because I'm gay I can't help but think of musicals... and then want to share my poignant musical lyrics.

So this is the super amazing song that your post made me think of,

"Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say 'Listen to me'
Children will listen"

I heart Bernadette Peters

Bran said...

Silly Children... only learning what they want to...
If I ever have children, I hope that they've been able to invent a way so that they only learn what I want 'em to learn!

Jenz said...

if you don't go to church -- your kids won't either.

but i agree with anonymous. think of the benefits of gay members in the future/MOMs if there are people like you in the church who actually understand.

i wish there were people like you in the church back when i needed it. those who knew what i was going through.