Sunday, March 14, 2010

Dear Scott

Scotty dear,

I am so sorry that everything has been so hard for you lately.

Lots of demands at work, having to work late on your birthday.

Children that more disobedient and messy and careless and disrespectful than ever. (You know how hard it is to be motivated when you are depressed. I think this is the kids' reaction to us having a hard time...not to make excuses for them...)

Pregnant wife that is still so emotional and hard to live with and has lots of demands and shares frequently how disappointed she is that you forgot to do something, or spent too much money, or whatever. (I'm sorry, by the way.) And then there are the hormones, and not knowing if I am going to be ornery or crying or wanting to seduce you. I wouldn't want to put up with me either!

The whole annoying mess with selling the truck. I will continue to fervently pray that the "check engine" light is just part of the replaced-3-months-ago-and-now-malfunctioning-again instrument panel. I really hope he doesn't bring the truck back for a refund in a week!

And worst of all, the lack of male touch, slowly losing the one person who was willing to cuddle with you. And over the last year, losing the friends you have chatted with the most, the ones who needed you the most, the ones that were part of our family and we were all so attached to and now they are gone. Change is hard on all of us.

Yes, I am selfish and I want you for myself forever. But it really won't be what either of us wants and needs if staying together means you being depressed and therefore impatient and withdrawn. I hate that more than anything.

So I have one request or proposal or whatever. Let's try to put this discussion and issue aside for a few months. Both of us need to put it on a shelf and focus on counting our blessings and taking care of our family and each other. Let's stabilize the children, help them with their apathy, spend more time with them, lovingly help them to be more happy and thus more willing and able to do their chores and their homework. Let's get this baby here, get my emotions stabilized. Let's continue to communicate instead of withdrawing and feeling angry toward each other.

And then, when things feel a bit more under control, we can pull the issue off the shelf. And if you need to go find the love you long for, I will let you, I will pray for you to find it and send you with my blessing. Hopefully putting this kind of effort on our family now will help us then to remain best friends, and give you a desire to continue to be part of your children's lives, not just because they need it, but because you want it as much as they do.

I love you. I want you to be happy and I know you want the same for me. I don't know what is going to make me happy, but I do know that seeing you like you have been off and on the last few months is not it. Seeing you struggle to figure out how to take care of yourself while still taking care of me has been hell. Let's try it your way...eventually...because my way is obviously not working.

And I am hoping that if you have this to look forward to, and in writing (to remind me to hold up to what I have said!) then maybe you can help me get through the tough times right here and now.

Loving you more than you could ever imagine; best friends forever,


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