Community

There is an incredible feeling of peace in the unity of the gay community.

Last night the feeling was overwhelming as we held candles, many of them having to be re-lit over and over because of the wind. (I grabbed battery operated ones for the safety of my children, but they had the added benefit of the wind not extinguishing their glow.) The backdrop of the lit Utah capitol was beautiful, accentuated by a gorgeous sunset and then later a display of lightning in the distance.

Along with the predominant peaceful feeling, there was of course mourning and sadness as we gathered to remember yet another gay suicide, Todd Ransom. Scott and I did not know him personally, but we shared in the sadness of the community and that of our friends that did know him. Words were said in his memory, a brother-in-law sang a stunning rendition of "Amazing Grace", a moment of silence and then more beautiful music played.

The thing I love the most, though, is that when the community has a reason to band together, even when it is sad, there is also much happiness. Such strong feelings of friendship and of happiness in seeing one another, hugging one another, and banding together in unity and support of each other. As friends came up to greet me, they celebrated with me the fact that I am skinny again and feeling well, and they oohed and ahhed over our beautiful little Sebastian, who slept peacefully throughout the evening, protected from the wind in his car seat and stroller combo.

The evening buoyed up my spirit, as I had struggled during the day with various frustrations and some depression. Everything from the appliance repairman recommending it best we buy a new freezer, to missing my two oldest children that are at camp this week, and of course the ongoing drama of my life in between.

I've actually written several blog posts lately that I have not posted. One of them was right before I left for the vigil last night. And then while I was there, the peace of the moment and situation spoke to me, as Scott put his arm around me and held our 5-year-old on his shoulders, and I knew I had done the right thing to hit the "save" button instead of the "publish" button. It can sit as a draft in my list of posts, there as a silent journal entry of how I was feeling at the time.

I am so incredibly grateful for the good friends I have in this community, that do so much for me and mean so much to me; that are only a text away, that spoil my children, and make me feel like a queen (even when I am bitchy.) Words cannot express the gratitude that my heart has for each of you.

And so, today I face the day uplifted, ready to accomplish some projects while enjoying my 3 little boys and striving for happiness and peace within my soul.

(Painting "Community" by Daniel Embree used without permission. I hope that is okay, since I have a framed copy in my living room and linked it to where he is selling copies. :) Thanks, Dan.)