Out to my Family

Scott has posted about coming out to his family, and I think mentioned we did not know at what point we would tell my family.

It all started about a month ago when my sister was over one day and our conversation led a certain direction and I told her. She thought it was strange, but did not really react. She did say that she wasn't sure she would bother telling her husband. Then she was over again with her teenage daughter when I was stressed about a meeting we had scheduled with our bishop. That then led to her filling in the daughter and telling the husband as well. I guess it was kind of weird for him, and he wondered why we are bothering to tell anyone if nothing has changed (we've heard that before from one of Scott's brothers--they don't know what it is like in the closet, do they?). When I asked her what she thought of telling mom, her reaction was about what I was thinking: that mom might worry a bit, but "I wouldn't tell Dad. I don't think he would react well."

Then on labor day, we dropped by my brother's house. My sister-in-law was telling me with disgust about a lady she knows (that I know of) who recently married her girlfriend in CA. I shrugged at the news and said, "good for her" instead of sharing in the disgust. She looked a little shocked, so I quickly asked for Scott's permission and then told all. She first said "You're kidding, right?" and then looked a bit uncomfortable and shocked as I filled in some details to verify the information. Her attitude quickly changed to one of love and support of Scott. She reminisced about how gay guys were some of her best clients when she sold Tupperware. My brother shrugged and said he knew gay guys at work, and it was no big deal. They both were concerned though as they said "You're not going to tell the parents, are you? Dad especially would not react well." I have not heard from them since, but I haven't called them either, which is not unusual.

A little over a week ago, my mom was telling me about how the lesson in Relief Society (plan of salvation lesson) made her think that she will not make it to the celestial kingdom. I told her that I had recently decided that getting into heaven is a lot more gray and less black and white than I used to think, that God will judge us individually for our circumstances and what is in our hearts. Our conversation continued about how neither she nor I has ever really "enjoyed" attending the temple and one thing led to another and I shared with her how I am struggling with the church's involvement in CA politics. And of course, that eventually led to my telling her about Scott. We were talking in one room (while Scott sat beside us reading a book, every once in a while interjecting a comment into our conversation) while my Dad was playing a board game with our kids in another room.

The conversation with my Mom didn't skip a beat. She immediately began talking about the 1978 manifesto and then about how coffee was on the list for pioneers to pack in their wagons, so how did it end up against the Word of Wisdom? Anyway, as our conversation wound down (because the game finished in the other room), I told her she could tell Dad, and she said, "I don't want to tell him. Do you want to tell him? I don't know how he would react." I said "no, I don't want to. Not right now." Anyway, we left shortly thereafter and I worried that she would worry about me and not even have my dad to talk to about it.

Then, today, she and I chatted a bit about the topic on the phone. I was sharing with her how grateful I have been to have Scott in my life this week, for his support through my anxiety and hysteria. She shared with me that she had told Dad the night I had told her. This was very interesting to me, because we had them over for dinner for a child's birthday on Sunday and my Dad was very complimentary of the meal Scott prepared. And then he mentioned again on the phone a couple of days ago about what a great cook Scott is, etc. When I told Scott today that I found out my Dad knew when they were over, he thought that was interesting, because he said that my Dad had been more complementary to him personally than usual.

With tears in my eyes, I said to him "That is my Dad's way of letting you know that he accepts you for who you are."

And with that, we are out. There are no more secrets at family gatherings. It feels liberating and weird all at the same time. Only time will tell how everyone is really feeling, if we ever happen to find out at all.