Glee

I realize that I said I would cover the topic of happiness in an upcoming post. I think I will still do that. Hopefully soon.

But for now, we just got around to watching this week's episode of Glee.

And all I can say is that I don't really feel very gleeful. In fact, I feel a lot like Mr. Schuster, who wants someone that does not want him in return. And it's not really his fault (even though he makes his best effort to win her back--Scott can attest that I did the same thing for a while) and it is not really her fault. It just is.

But the look on his face as he watches her drive off with Carl is a look that I completely understand and relate to, and wish I didn't.

It has been easy to forget about it with the busyness of life; with Scott and I both working together to balance everything with work and the kids. With family outings and birthday parties for the kids and Primary Programs at church, with Scott making my lunch on days when I am running behind, or staying up late to help me grade Geometry tests. Most of the time it feels just like it has for the last 15 years. And I'm used to sleeping alone now and it is just part of the routine for Scott to leave and meet up with friends in the evening a few times a week.

But there are moments when I remember everything and long for how it used to be, and it is agony.