Charity

The lesson in Relief Society last week was on charity. We have a new teacher who is  down to earth and sincere, and I really enjoyed her presentation of the lesson.

When she began the lesson, I opened it up on my cell phone, skimmed it through, and then set my phone down to listen. As I listened, the words I skimmed from the last portion of the written lesson stayed clear in my mind, and I felt like I might want to comment when we began discussing that portion. I don't tend to comment in relief society any more because when I feel like I have something worth saying, it usually contradicts what I assume is the majority view in the room.

The first paragraph of the lesson is a summary, and it says:

"The life of the Savior reflects His pure love for all people. He even gave His life for us. Charity is that pure love which our Savior Jesus Christ has. He has commanded us to love one another as He loves us. The scriptures tell us that charity comes from a pure heart (see 1 Timothy 1:5). We have pure love when, from the heart, we show genuine concern and compassion for all our brothers and sisters."

The last part of the lesson talks about loving all people, even if we don't approve of something about them.

"Even when we give to those in need, unless we feel compassion for them we do not have charity (see 1 John 3:16-17). The Apostle Paul taught that when we have charity we are filled with good feelings for all people. We are patient and kind. We are not boastful or proud, selfish or rude. When we have charity we do not remember or rejoice in the evil others have done..."

"The Savior was our example of how to feel toward and treat others. He despised wickedness, but He loved sinners in spite of their sins..."

Toward the end of the lesson, after another sweet sister expressed that charity includes not judging others for any reason, I felt like I should comment, and I raised my hand. I started by saying I hoped I could express myself appropriately, but that experiences in my life with my friends over the last couple of years had taught me that there is really no such thing as "love the sinner, but hate the sin." In order to truly love someone, we need to overlook the things we don't approve of. That doesn't mean we need to embrace those things ourselves, but it is usually best not to lecture people about what we believe they are doing wrong. In most cases they already know how we feel. I became slightly emotional as I mentioned that if I had not learned to embrace this attitude, that the current state of my family and daily life for my children would be much more difficult.

The teacher thanked me for my comment and moved on. I'm sure there are people who do not agree with me, that would rather follow the advice from church leaders that we have a responsibility to call our brothers and sisters to repentance. That is apparently how we truly show our love for them. But I have to disagree, and I hope my comment helped others to think about the gray area of showing true charity.

What Would Jesus Do?

I recently found out about a very interesting website.

I'm sure many would consider it the teachings of men, mingled with scripture. But regardless, it presents an interesting view (with possible scriptural evidence) of the way Christ may have viewed and treated gay people in the time he lived here on the Earth. I found it very interesting and feel that it personifies the Christ I believe in.

http://wouldjesusdiscriminate.org/

Here are summaries from two of the six scripture passages that the sight expounds on.

Matthew 8:5-13
The Greek word that the Roman centurion uses in this passage to describe the sick man – pais – is the same word used in ancient Greek to refer to a same-gender partner.

Matthew 19:10-12
Here Jesus refers to "eunuchs who have been so from birth." This terminology ("born eunuchs") was used in the ancient world to refer to homosexual men. Jesus indicates that being a "born eunuch" is a gift from God.

Touching testimonials

Loved these and had to share. They touch my heart and inspire me. Please enjoy!


Iowa son with two moms that speaks out for marriage equality.


Support of a Mormon father.

I am not ashamed

This past Saturday I attended a temple session for the first time in at least 18 months. I've had a recommend for two months, but I've been afraid to go. Of course being out of the habit and working full time with five children doesn't help. Then also there was the tragedy of the night I took my children to do baptisms in December. With that experience, and with the focus of "eternal marriage" in the endowment ceremony, I was kind of worried about how hard it might be on me.

Then, during the week, I engaged in a contentious discussion on Facebook with Scott and a couple of sisters in my ward. My resulting anger made me feel unworthy to attend the stake temple day on the coming Saturday. I messaged the sister that I planned to go with and told her that I might not feel like I should go. She responded okay, but that maybe Satan was just working really hard on me because he knew I was planning to go, and so going was really exactly what I needed to do. I had prayed for forgiveness of my thoughtless words (not for my opinion, but for how immature I was in my reaction to their opinions), and sent messages of apology to the two Facebook friends. I received a forgiving message back from one of them that made me feel okay about my planned temple trip again.

The day of, I was not nervous or tempted not to go, and I looked forward to it. I carpooled with a good friend whose husband, of his own choice, doesn't have a recommend. First we attended a special meeting for our stake in the chapel, where the temple president and matron spoke.

He spoke of a man who stopped going to church at age 15. For forty years he had nothing to do with the church. All of his children and wife were inactive.

Then a daughter-in-law had them go to the Draper temple open house. While they were there in the celestial room he heard a voice say, calling him by name, "come back." He pulled his wife aside and asked her, "will you come to sacrament meeting with me tomorrow?" He now serves as an ordinance worker.

The temple president promised that if we attend the temple once a week, (rotating through the different ordinance work) our problems will be significantly lightened.

During the session I felt peaceful and happy. I did not feel guilty or unworthy. Words in the ceremonies that seem to contradict my opinions on gay rights did not frustrate me or make me feel conflicted. I had a feeling that there is a bigger picture that has not yet been revealed, and that for now I don't need to stress about what that bigger picture is. But I am in the right place, continuing to attend church and the temple and seeking for that which is good, doing the best I can to keep promises I have made in the temple. It was good to be reminded of those.

In one of the Facebook messages that was sent to me following the aforementioned discussion, my friend quoted that she is not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and will therefore stand up for it anytime she has the chance.

I nearly responded that I am not ashamed of the gospel either (but I decided to leave it alone). However, I am also not afraid to stand up for gay rights. I just put a new equality sticker on my mini-van. And this time it is not a magnet that someone can remove while my van is parked in the church parking lot. :)

Rising above intolerance

The name of the club I supervise is RAIN--rising against intolerance now.

So, I have a question...

How do we do that? The students in the club as well as any of us?

The question came up in my mind as I sat in Sunday School, sort of listening to the topic of Christ's miracles going on in the background....

Meanwhile....err...um...me catching up on Facebook. I found this on the wall of a gay friend. He was very angry. He quoted a comment to a Deseret News article about legislation going on at the state capital. It shows an ignorant attitude of intolerance, and is very disturbing.

"Whether by choice or biology, gays have opted out of the child-rearing game. Gay adoption makes no sense.

"True love is defined by God as heterosexuality. May his mercy and love shine like a rainbow on those struggling with sexual perversion (i.e. addiction). Homosexuality is defined by sex. Heterosexuality is defined by God."

Horrible misunderstanding. My friend has every right to be angry, but does it do any good? Does it do more harm than good to post about his anger on facebook?

Maybe rising against intolerance should change to rising above intolerance. Satan is laughing at this battle because both sides are so angry. The contention withdraws the spirit, forces precious souls to leave the church for the sake of their own sanity, affects families and parents and siblings and children. To me, rising above intolerance means that it has to start with each of us individually. We have to be tolerant of those who are not tolerant of us. We have to replace anger with compassion. The only way things are going to change and people will learn is if they see the LGBT population doing good, serving the community, making a good name for themselves instead of just reacting with anger. There are many that ARE doing that, but it is the angry and protesting ones that make the news.

What if instead of protests, service projects are organized, media called and encouraged to report on it.

What if instead of lashing out, we forgive them, pray for our enemies and help to educate them. Many do not mean to sound hateful, they are honestly speaking out of fear for what they do not understand. Let's seek opportunities to help them see and understand.

More easily said than done, I know.

Lately I have been trying more and more to stand up for Mormons. When I hear LGBT groups bashing Mormons, I have not hesitated to say "I am a Mormon, and yet I am on your side." Sometimes I tell them more. Like "my in-laws are very active Mormons and they allowed our gay friends to get 'married' in their beautiful back yard." I have been amazed at my Mormon sister, my Mormon co-workers, some of my Mormon friends in my ward that are willing to listen to me and my opinions. And even though on occasion they kindly remind me that they do not share my opinions on gay marriage, they are still willing to open their hearts and listen to me without judgment.

And yet I know too well how much the words of outspoken and ignorant and intolerant Mormons hurt, especially when they come from someone in a position of authority. These people need our prayers and forgiveness, even when we think they don't deserve it. They are also God's children, and our anger toward them hurts no one but ourselves as bitterness poisons our hearts.

Any thoughts on how everyone can try to peacefully make progress with the religious community, and rise above the intolerance that comes from such?

In God's Hands

Testimony meeting today focused on baptism and basic gospel principles, gratitude for the gospel and temple. We had a convert baptism yesterday, confirmation today. There was also a family in the ward that baptized a child yesterday.

I left the chapel right after the sacrament to go to the "mother's" room to feed the baby. It was the perfect seat for the meeting: a cushy rocker, Sebastian snuggled against me asleep, no other children to distract me, clear sound from the microphone piped into the room. The words of each testimony touched me and lifted me up.

My current bishop spoke of a time when he was not active, of leaders coming to his home and inviting him to church. He had attended as a child, but then he wanted nothing to do with it. A miracle occurred, and he suddenly saw the light that everyone was trying to tell him of, that he had never seen before. And somehow everything came together and made sense and had to be true. And now he rejoices in seeing others find that same light and truth.

The stake patriarch (our bishop when we first moved in this ward) spoke of spending the day in the temple yesterday, filling gaps in his and his wife's families (aka sealings) that should have been done long ago. He spoke of a temple worker that said Satan likes to see us worrying. We will do much better if we can stop worrying and put everything in God's hands and have faith that things will work out.

Many spoke of Gods love, how he loves each of us so much individually. He is aware of our struggles and everything going on in our lives. He loves us no matter what we've done or where we are in our journeys.

A child spoke of attending a friend's baptism yesterday. I thought about the child. He is usually happy and always helpful. My boys and nephew walk home from school with him. When I pick them up, while my boys are fighting over who gets to sit where, this child gives up his seat to make someone else happy. When my nephew was having a bad day and decided to walk, this neighbor child volunteered to walk with him to let him through the shortcut in his yard. He carried the nephew's science fair project home for him this past week. At age 9, he is an amazing example of kindness and service.

My heart is full of gratitude today for my neighbors and friends in our ward. Not all of them handled Scott's coming out very well. But they are inherently good people, and I think many of them have learned from the experience with Scott and are better because of it.

In Sunday school we talked about Christ's example and teachings about loving and serving others.

We discussed how God works with bad things in our lives to make us or our circumstances actually better in the long run, whether the bad things are results of our choices or just things that happen.

The bishop commented about how far ahead he thought he would be if he had come back to church sooner. But we discussed how having that experience made him the understanding man that he is, because he's been there.

My brother and his wife went through a tough time a few years back, and they are struggling with their children now, which I feel is at least somewhat a result of the other thing. But my sister-in-law says that she now has the husband she had always wanted as a result of their trial.

Days like today make me feel like there is hope that someday Scott will come back to  the church and/or me and our marriage. I've told him that, and he cannot see that ever happening. I mentioned it to one of our friends, and he also became concerned that I was putting hope in something that is very unlikely. But for some reason, the spirit keeps putting it in my head, whether for some sort of comfort that I need right now (and that my children need), or because God knows all things from beginning to end.

All I can do is remember that my life is in God's hands, and that He will help me make the best of what I've got.

I've been dreading the upcoming holiday, "single-awareness day," some call it. But I am trying to think of it as "children appreciation day," and I'm working on obtaining the perfect gift for each of them. I love to doorbell-ditch gifts for them on the porch, the same way my mother did for me. Maybe I will take them all to dinner, too. The spaghetti factory would be great. And since it's Monday, and Scott has not yet found his special someone with whom to share the day, maybe he will join us, and it will be perfect.

I made a wish list before Christmas, and one item was a "mother's ring" to replace my wedding ring. So that is what Scott gave me for my birthday last month. It required resizing, and I just got it back yesterday, so today is the first day I've been able to enjoy wearing it. I found myself staring at it at church, showing it to some of my friends (same way I did with my engagement ring almost 16 years ago), and while doing so feeling extremely grateful for my five precious children, and so many other incredible blessings in my life.

Rumors

Scott and I debated about whether or not to include a "newsletter" with our Christmas card this year. One thing was for sure though--if we did write a letter, we wanted to be completely honest with our friends and family.

As December arrived, I started to play around with words on paper. I came up with a letter I was comfortable with, and then I forwarded it to Scott for editing.

I was only slightly nervous the morning I dropped them in the mail, to aunts and uncles, college roommates and friends from high school, to people from our ward who have moved away, and to Scott's mission president. But I thought it best not to beat around the bush, to prevent rumors and hearsay and just let the truth be known, to prevent awkward excuses or conversations at future reunions.

Instead, I have now heard from a man in the ward, who talked to Scott's step-cousin who heard from his parents about our letter, and I probably have just fanned the flames of the rumor mill instead of calming them. :D I wonder if our parents have received concerned phone calls from any of their sibblings. If so, I wonder what they are saying. Even though I wonder, I honestly don't want to know. I will let them be awkward. It could be good for them!

We also received an interesting letter from Scott's mission president, saying that the only reason a marriage falls appart is if one of the spouses is sinning, and so that spouse should confess and repent.

Anyway, for those of you who are not lucky enough to have received a Christmas card from us, here are the important parts of the letter. Enjoy!

Every year brings many adventures, and 2010 has definitely been no exception. In fact, Sarah's motto this year coincides with this year's Young Women's Theme in Joshua 1:9. "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

The most significant event of the year was the birth of baby Sebastian on June 28. He is our pride and joy, and all of his siblings spoil him terribly as none of them can ever handle hearing him cry. In fact, they might cry collectively more than he does as their fights over him often end in tears. Mom and Dad definitely appreciate all of the help, especially when it comes to diaper changes and babysitting (for those much needed nights out).

(The letter proceeds to talk a little bit about each of the other four children.)
 

The toughest adventure has been the "separation" of Scott and Sarah. For now, they continue to live in the same house, (and plan to continue to do so indefinitely while they raise the children) and they remain good friends. In fact, if you were to peek in at our family at a random time, chances are things would appear no different than they've always been.
 
Scott continues to work for ______________, where his focus has changed from IT to graphic design and marketing. He is dating occasionally, and hopes to eventually find a new life partner to share his heart and dreams with.
 
Sarah continues to enjoy teaching math full time at _________ High School, supervising the RAIN club (the school's gay-straight alliance, "Rising Against Intolerance Now"), and spending the rest of her hours, both day and night, with her five greatest blessings (the children). She is not anxious to play the dating game and does not plan to date in the near future—unless she happens to stumble across a (straight) man who sweeps her off her feet.

We are aware of and ever grateful for the prayers that are uttered in our behalf. It's difficult to imagine what this year would have been like without the support and love of family and friends, and without the love and atonement of our Savior, whose birth we celebrate at this time of year.

Without a doubt, many more adventures await us in the coming year. We hope this greeting finds you happy and healthy, and blessed with faith and hope and the support of angels as you face your own adventures with strength and courage.

Merry Christmas!