tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69726619070290385242024-03-14T12:28:45.927-06:00SerendipityAccidentally discovering how fortunate I am one blog post at a time.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.comBlogger273125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-34560116294519922002018-09-02T15:30:00.000-06:002018-09-10T22:07:07.252-06:00I have a messageI have a message. My message is to Love. Jesus said love everyone. When I say that, I mean everyone.<br />
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When I add to that to love those who are different, specifically because of who they are attracted to or because of their gender identity, it doesn’t mean that I am saying that it is more important to love them than it is to love everyone that is NOT in the LGBTQIA community too. But I am specifically experienced with this group of people. I don’t completely understand them, because I am straight and cisgender. I will never completely understand. But what I do understand is that in our culture, especially here in Utah, it doesn’t hurt to emphasize that loving everyone INCLUDES THEM. Especially them.<br />
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And if my message doesn’t get through to you because I say LGBTQ or GAY every time I share that message, then I believe it is you that needs to make an effort to understand exactly why a straight cisgender individual would do that, and maybe adjust your own attitude about the message.<br />
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Because trust me, I’m not changing how I say LOVE EVERYONE any time soon. I’m going to keep saying it at church and on Facebook and at work until you either kick me out or until things change and all people are loved and allowed to be who they are and love who they want to love the same way us cisgender straight people get to be and to love. Until it is part of their gospel plan, part of their eternity just as it is ours. Until it is not seen as a disability or a trial but as a beautiful gift to add variety to this world. Until it is verified as revelation and exclusions are eliminated from policy manuals and lessons manuals for missionaries and seminary students and anyone else. Until the word “gay” or “transgender” no longer makes people sitting in the pews at the “Church of Jesus Christ” squirm. Then, and only then, it will no longer need to be included and emphasized in my message.<br />
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If you’ve read all of this, thank you for listening and letting me vent.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-18678302181770568542017-11-05T13:38:00.001-07:002018-01-28T21:56:13.394-07:00Remember Remember<div>
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Remember remember the 5th of November.</div>
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Two years ago today was a rough day for me, my kids and hundreds of our friends. The message from our church was that our queer loved ones were not wanted, nor us as allies and families of LGBTQIA individuals.</div>
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I was immediately concerned for my own children, along with children of my friends who were serving missions and choosing baptism and activity in the church. Many of them had gay fathers or mothers that were now remarried to members of the same sex, whom they loved and supported. My daughter wrote a letter of resignation from the church that she only recently sent in a month or two ago.</div>
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The following weeks and months were no better, as suicides seemed on the rise. A good friend of mine whom I worked with at Brighton LDS Girls camp and her wife, also a friend of mine, were excommunicated right after their marriage. They were both active in the church, and one was teaching primary and had to say goodbye to her primary children. Why should anyone have to choose between the person they love and the church they love? That is abuse, pure and simple.</div>
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But there were tender mercies for some as local leaders differed in their enforcement of the policy. A mission president in Russia assured a father and his husband that their daughter would not be sent home, that she was an amazing missionary, and thanks to the parents who raised her.</div>
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I made an appointment with my own bishop, ready to resign myself and all of our children. But his reaction of love and support for Scott and our family, and questions of his own for the policy, calmed my immediate anger a bit.</div>
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It was the spirit within my heart that has repeatedly and lovingly prodded me to stay LDS on my own terms, and to continue serving in scouting and giving myself through music. I am a "cafeteria" Mormon, doing what is best for me and my family and those I serve.</div>
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It has not been easy as some extended family have specifically declared their support for church leaders, regardless of whom it affects--such as their own flesh and blood--and believing the policy was inspired.</div>
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Today my "mama dragon" friends have chosen to call this anniversary "self-care Sunday" and many are not attending church, even if they usually do.</div>
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I am attending choir practice and Sacrament meeting (to play the organ.) I am wearing a red-ish cardigan to represent the lives lost over this policy, and the blood of Jesus Christ and the Atonement, which if indeed is a true gift from God, will make up for those of us who have lost our testimonies and ordinances because of this battle.</div>
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I recently helped my son celebrate his 20th birthday by getting my own tattoo, to remind me of my strength (the lotus is a flower that blooms best in adverse conditions), my difficult journey of LGBTQIA ally-ship and advocacy, and my love for all of my friends and family, regardless of religious affiliation, belief, sexual orientation or gender identity.</div>
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Hugs and peace to all.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-83893354285238966822016-07-04T22:59:00.000-06:002016-07-04T23:18:53.010-06:00Taking a StandFast and Testimony Meeting, July 3, 2016<br />
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Kyle (a 21 year old gay man who is renting a room from me) and I planned to bear our testimonies today. Mama Dragon Kimberly Anderson specifically challenged Mama Dragons to do so during this past week as we were all grieving the news that there had been several suicides, some of which were children of mothers that were either in our group or known personally by members of our group.<br />
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Kyle and I attended a funeral on Friday for <a href="http://www.russonmortuary.com/notices/Stockton-Powers" target="_blank">Stockton Powers</a>. It was heart wrenching but beautiful and hopeful. There were so many people there, wearing rainbow ribbons and pins in support of Stockton and his family. Friends had traveled from California and Idaho and Arizona to be there.<br />
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I mentioned to Kyle the challenge from Kim in the mama dragon group, and he told me he had already been planning on doing that very thing in my ward on Sunday.<br />
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Saturday evening as I finished practicing the organ in the chapel for Sacrament meeting the next day, thoughts started running through my mind of things I could say. I came home and typed them up, crying as I did so. I knew I would cry when I spoke.<br />
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Sunday morning, Kyle and I went early so that I could practice and play prelude. I offered to sit in the congregation with him, but instead he chose to sit on the stand with me, hiding behind the organ. While I was playing prelude, a member of the bishopric came up to talk to the chorister, letting her know what he had planned for the month so that she could choose songs to go with the topics. He mentioned that he didn't know who was speaking the last Sunday. Then he turned to me and said, "Do you want to speak? I'll give you a topic. You'll have to be good."<br />
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Continuing to play the organ, knowing the plan that Kyle and I had to speak today lie ahead, I laughed and said "I haven't spoken in eleven years. And any topic you give me can be applied to what I strongly believe in, so you'll have to tell me what I can and can't say." We talked about it a bit more, but I needed to play and he needed to sit down for the meeting. Meanwhile, the new stake president walked in and sat on the stand. First he looked at me at the organ and said hello. I turned to Kyle and mouthed quietly, "Damn, that is the stake president!" A look of fear struck his face, probably mirroring my own.<br />
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After the opening hymn and the sacrament hymn, I climbed down from the organ bench and sat next to Kyle. He said "I'm still going to do it." I replied, "Then I am too." I asked Kyle if he wanted to go first or if he wanted me to. He said he didn't care. So finally I told him that I wanted him to go first and I was so nervous that I wanted to get it over with, so he better go soon.<br />
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After a couple of testimonies, he finally got up. He was calm. He told everyone that he is gay, that he came out 3 three years ago, and then he was abused by someone in his ward. He talked about Stockton's funeral, listing many of Stockton's awesome qualities, but also that he was gay. He talked about struggling so much that evening, after the funeral, that he asked for a priesthood blessing--something he hasn't done for several years. He talked about the peace he felt following the blessing and of God's love for him.<br />
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I planned to get up right after, but a teenage girl beat me to it. She mentioned how she wished her brother had been there today to hear Kyle's testimony. When she was done, I got up.<br />
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I said something jokingly(sorta) about the bishopric probably being nervous that I was getting up. Then I talked about Kyle, how he had adopted me as his mom, and what a blessing his testimony was to me. I mentioned an article in the newspaper about how youth suicides had tripled in Utah since 2007. About how teachers all have required suicide prevention training as part of recertification. I said that no matter who they are or how they identify or what they've done in their lives, whether they are straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer, that God loves them and knows what it is in their hearts. I talked about being the advisor of a gay/straight alliance at Kearns High School, of how much I loved those kids, of how many of them did not feel loved by their families and desperately wanted to feel loved by their families.<br />
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I mentioned that since many changes had happened in our ward over the last 8 years, that some of them may not be aware of my situation, that they might not even know that I have five amazing children. I talked about Scott coming out over the pulpit in testimony meeting. I talked about feeling his mother's love for him that afternoon, hugging him and telling him it was from her. I mentioned how it became more difficult for our family to come to church, and that he had eventually resigned. But that he is still a wonderful father and man.<br />
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I talked about how Scott is really struggling lately for various reasons, and that the shooting in Orlando had been very difficult for him, that a couple of weeks ago when he and I were going to the courthouse to finish our divorce paperwork, I watched him struggle with panic attacks. That evening I cried and cried over his pain and struggles, worrying about him and wishing and wondering if there was more I could do. I also wondered why I was feeling this love and concern for him so strongly, because even though I did love him, I wasn't still in love with him. It occurred to me that maybe once again, I was feeling the emotions of his mother. That thought was confirmed, and then I said out loud, "Ok, Cheryl. Leave me alone! I need to calm down and get some rest." (The congregation chuckled.) I felt prompted to message his little sister and tell her of my experience, and then I was able to calm down and rest. I had my tonsils out the week before and crying and stressing out was not helping me feel better in the least.<br />
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I talked about how I know there are angels amongst us, that our forefathers and ancestors were around us, along with God and Christ, cheering us on and wanting us to be happy. I talked about that there is a place in this church for anyone who wanted to be there, and even if it didn't feel like it sometimes, that there would always be a place there, sitting next to me if needed.<br />
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I cried the entire time I spoke, and I saw people in the congregation smiling and crying as well. Kyle said he was also crying.<br />
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Afterward, many people came up on the stand to talk to us and thank us. To welcome Kyle to the ward and let him know he was welcome there. All three members of the bishopric thanked me, and I asked the one I had been talking to before the meeting if I had said anything out of line. He said no, that what I said was perfect. That it was the elephant in the room that needed to be talked about, but that hardly anyone wants to talk about. That it is a perspective that the people needed to hear.<br />
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The stake president was busy talking to other people who had gone up to greet him, so he and I didn't talk at all afterward. I will look forward to sometime being able to talk to him further. He is a fairly new stake president, that I don't know very well, and I'm not sure where he stands on this issue with our stake.<br />
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Later in relief society, an older lady shared with me that she had a gay sister, who had passed away last year. During the lesson, the daughter of another lady in our ward spoke up and said that later after church she and her husband were going to talk to their eight year old about finding a balance between loving and accepting LBGT, and understanding God's unchanging laws. I flinched a little bit. I hope that eight year old is not gay. But at least the conversation is happening. Yay for small victories.<br />
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So there it is, more or less. I can't remember exactly what I said. I was so nervous and emotional. But I do know that if even one soul, one life is better because of it, it was worth it.<br />
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Many other Mama Dragons also spoke in their Sacrament Meetings. Can you imagine these testimonies and tears and pleading for love happening all over that day? What a beautiful beautiful thought.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-15235923471373823142016-07-03T09:00:00.000-06:002016-07-04T23:02:04.451-06:00Utah's Suicide Crisis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There have been five known suicides in Utah over the past few days. One of my Mama Dragon friends, Debra Coe, checks with the health department and other sources and verifies details and numbers. The details she shared included their ages and locations, and whether or not they were known to identify as LGBTQ. Four of the five did, ages 17, 17, 18 and 20-something (BYU graduate). For one 13 year old, it is unknown.<br />
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<a href="http://www.sltrib.com/news/4075258-155/utah-officials-unsure-why-youth-suicide" target="_blank">The following article appeared in the paper:</a><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<b>Utah officials unsure why youth suicide rate has nearly tripled since 2007</b><br />
By MICHELLE L. PRICE The Associated Press<br />
First Published <span content="2016-07-02T12:30:00" itemprop="datePublished" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Jul 02 2016 12:30PM</span> <span class="separator" style="box-sizing: border-box; clear: both;"> • </span> Last Updated Jul 03 2016 11:56 am</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="line-height: 22.8571px;">Report » No clear cause identified, but some risk factors are found more often in the region.</span> </blockquote>
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Utah health officials are grappling with a rising youth suicide rate that's nearly tripled since 2007 and is now the leading cause of death among 10- to 17-year-olds in Utah. </blockquote>
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A state report released this month shows Utah's youth suicide was 8.5 per 100,000 people in 2014, the most recent data available. </blockquote>
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In 2007, the rate was 3.0 per 100,000. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
Health officials, suicide prevention advocates and educators have been working to curb suicides, but officials don't know why Utah's child suicide rate is more than double the national rate and climbing.<br />
State health officials haven't been able to find any clear causes of the state's growing rate, but the health department is working to launch an in-depth study, said Andrea Hood, a suicide prevention coordinator at the Utah Department of Health. </blockquote>
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Hood said there are some risk factors found more frequently in Utah and other Rocky Mountain states that may explain why suicide rates are higher in those states than the national average. </blockquote>
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Residents in Utah move more frequently, which could leave them with fewer social connections and support. There are also theories that lower oxygen levels at higher altitudes can contribute to higher suicide rates and a western, rugged mentality of self-reliance may keep some from seeking help for depression. Utah and other Rocky Mountain states also have higher rates of gun ownership.<br />
Firearm owners aren't more likely to die by suicide, but people who commit suicide are more likely to use guns if they own them than any other method, Hood said. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
That extends to children, as nearly half of the youth who have died from suicide in recent years used a firearm. To try to prevent that, advocates are encouraging gun owners to ensure their weapons are secure and last year, Utah began distributing 40,000 free cable gun locks. </blockquote>
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Much of the work to combat youth suicides is done in public schools. The state has worked to get prevention programs in every school, offering help to parents, teachers, administrators and students about watching for signs of depression, risk factors for suicide and intervention. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
State law requires all teachers to undergo two hours of training about youth suicide prevention, and Utah lawmakers in 2013 required the state office of education to hire a full-time suicide prevention coordinator. </blockquote>
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The goal is to train "the gatekeepers, the people that are on the front lines with the kids," said Cathy Davis, the suicide prevention specialist with Utah's state education office. </blockquote>
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"You want to create this great safety net for kids because it's really taking all of us to help prevent suicide," Davis said. "It's just making everybody alert to the signs of suicide, what to look out for, what signs of depression are in youth." </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
Davis and other advocates are also pointing to a new smartphone app Utah lawmakers voted to create last year called SafeUT, where people can have confidential and anonymous chats with crisis counselors at the University of Utah Neuropsychiatric Institute. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
Officials say the app helps technologically savvy young people connect with help outside of a traditional phone hotline. In addition to using the app to text, call or submit tips about depression and suicide, the app allows students to speak to someone about bullying, threats of violence, drug problems and more. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
"Students need skills to know how to navigate the terrain of adolescence. It's a tough area, I think for a lot of kids," Davis said. "That gives them a safe way to text and access help."</blockquote>
As usual, Scott posted this link on Facebook along with his own articulate commentary, with which I cannot argue.<br />
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"Well, let’s see... </blockquote>
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I came out in 2008, very shortly after LDS leadership sent a letter to local leaders in California—to be read over the pulpit—directing members to give abundantly of their time and money in order to ensure the passage of Prop 8 (which would eliminate the right, recently granted by the courts, of same-sex couples to marry). </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
This marked the beginning of the LDS church’s very public fight against the LGBTQ community (it had been fighting marriage equality behind the scenes since the mid 1990s, but had managed to keep its efforts secret for over a decade). Almost overnight, Mormonism became synonymous with homophobia. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Despite occasional token (and public-relations-driven) overtures toward the LGBTQ community (like the SLC anti-discrimination ordinance that the church supported after ensuring that it was exempt), as society at large became ever more accepting of gay people, LDS leadership dug in its heels and became increasingly dogged (and vocal) in its anti-gay rhetoric and policies. They paid lip service to the importance of loving LGBTQ friends and family members, while continuing to denigrate LGBTQ individuals and their families both explicitly and implicitly. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Most recently, the LDS church amended its policy manual with a declaration that any gay member who married someone of the same sex was to be considered apostate—an enemy to the church—and was to be excommunicated. Worse, their children were to be denied rites of passage like baptism and ordination to the priesthood until they reached adulthood and explicitly denounced their gay parent’s marriage. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Gay youth in the LDS church are constantly and aggressively bombarded with a message of rejection. They are made to understand quite clearly that they are broken, that the love they may feel for a partner is counterfeit, and that they (and their future children) will be rejected and shunned if they ever dare to start a family (and this, in a culture that idolizes family, marriage, and parenthood above all else). </blockquote>
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Their parents and siblings have also gotten the message loud and clear, and many of them allow fear and blind faith to guide their reaction when a gay family member comes out. It is tragically common in Utah for an LGBTQ teen to be thrown out of their home when they come out, and even those who are allowed to stay often face the constant rejection inherent in a “love the sinner, hate the sin” mindset. </blockquote>
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Not all young people who commit suicide in Utah are LGBTQ, but a dramatically disproportionate percentage of them are (when compared to the percentage of LGBTQ individuals in the general population), and while suicide is complicated, it’s not the least bit unreasonable to suggest that the virulently anti-gay church that dominates Utah culture can be assigned a lion’s share of the blame."
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Another Mama Dragon friend, Kimberly Anderson (Editor and Photographer for the <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/mamadragonstory" target="_blank">Mama Dragon Story Project</a>), wrote a very blunt op-ed for the Salt Lake Tribune, which was published yesterday. She also fiercely challenged all Mama Dragons to get up and say something in their church congregations today, which is fast and testimony meeting, so there is an open pulpit to do so. I plan to act on that invitation. <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/opinion/4064166-155/op-ed-lds-church-must-do-more" target="_blank">Here is her article:</a><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
We have seen a tremendous tragedy here in the state of Utah. Four bright young people, three of them teenagers, have died by suicide. All are known to have intersected both the LDS and the LGBT communities. These were shining lights with potential to illuminate the universe. They have been snubbed and silenced. More families will struggle for the rest of their lives asking what more could they have done. An entire support community will rally around them and ask, "What can we do?" The dear friends who knew and loved them will be forced to ask difficult questions. </blockquote>
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The time for talk is over. The time for action is here. Individuals will react in various ways, but hopefully their reactions will result in awareness, visibility, outreach, community-building and unconditional love for their queer children and extended LGBTQIA community.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I condemn in the strongest possible language the environment and culture that is leading to self-loathing, self-hate guilt and shame. The culture that these children are saturated in has led tragically to more than just the suicides this week. The history of Utah and the legacy of the LDS Church is splattered with the blood of dead queer youth and adult members. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I have reached out to my ward bishop twice in the past two days. My repeated pleas to find out what my ward and stake in Riverton are doing are met with predictable testimony bearing of the Plan of Salvation and an incredible vacuum of silence. Small, cautious steps on the local level are being taken. At least one stake in Lehi is taking an incredibly proactive role in educating their congregations, an effort led by the stake president and bishops. Information is being shared with them through an incredible woman who is a silent force from the membership of the Mama Dragons. The absence of a church-wide program of outreach and education is reprehensible. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I personally know three incredible women, each a Mama Dragon, who have lost sons to death by suicide. Each is tragic. Each is preventable. All are surrounded by a culture of intolerance and exclusion from the LDS Church. Platitudes, lip-service and meaningless testimony sharing by the highest levels of LDS Church leadership must stop. Announcing a hollow love for all yet condemning these beautiful children to a life of hopelessness and pain must end now. Both are done in the same breath. Renouncing all past teachings that do not align with current medical and mental health standards and practices needs to happen immediately. Resources that have not been devoted to the queer community must be released. Materials to reach out and extend a hand of love and inclusion must be created. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
We have seen honorable and real outreach to other communities that are marginalized here in Utah and around the world. It is time to look inwardly honestly and without fear. The corporation that has created an environment where individuals seek the comfort of death over the sting of life needs to change. Attitudes of love and acceptance must replace bigotry, hate and a false persecution complex. Hearts of parents, congregations and leaders need be touched. Attitudes must be changed and lives must be saved. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Anything less is an admission of guilt. </blockquote>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-81968531484647429042016-07-02T23:55:00.000-06:002016-07-05T00:05:40.618-06:00Elie Wiesel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4CqeoqmrnXGmm_KfqhotwUtySd4SAmhMaYVG0whsv8cKIzBZvqnZQjRCXKw9bz8IbmeHQfuv6xBFms1IWFhEJsi5Wg8h_kQjeHWsLbgNbrloZkf6adrBLhOPxYg9Donzrlm3ivR8IZPY/s1600/Its+indifference+elie+wiesel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4CqeoqmrnXGmm_KfqhotwUtySd4SAmhMaYVG0whsv8cKIzBZvqnZQjRCXKw9bz8IbmeHQfuv6xBFms1IWFhEJsi5Wg8h_kQjeHWsLbgNbrloZkf6adrBLhOPxYg9Donzrlm3ivR8IZPY/s320/Its+indifference+elie+wiesel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
If you google Elie Wiesel today, you get this list of awesome quotes.
(I'd never even heard of him.)<br />
<br />
Rest in peace, Mr. Wiesel. Thank you for leaving a legacy of love.<br />
<ul>
<li><i><b>We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.</b></i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.</i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.</i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>No human race is superior; no religious faith is inferior. All collective judgments are wrong. Only racists make them.</i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.</i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>Peace is our gift to each other.</i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win.</i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.</i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe.</i></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><i>I have not lost faith in God. I have moments of anger and protest. Sometimes I've been closer to him for that reason.</i></li>
</ul>
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</div>
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</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-40983646383843261742016-06-22T23:21:00.000-06:002018-09-10T22:14:03.181-06:00Happily Divorced<br />
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This photo was taken the very day that I called the court-house and found out that our divorce was final last Friday. We already had plans to go to dinner with friends, just because one of them was in town and wanted to get some people together. It turned into a divorce celebration dinner, and when I jokingly asked the server if they provided free dessert for an occasion like a divorce, she was amazed that we were together, celebrating. Turned out we had to pay for dessert after all, but it was a lovely evening of closure.</div>
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I have to admit that after I got off the phone with the courthouse, I shed a few tears. It was officially the end of a successful marriage, yet the continuation of a relatively healthy and happy family with two parents and five kids that care fiercely about one another and hopefully always will.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-50539733803660235622016-06-05T23:20:00.000-06:002016-07-06T07:45:53.542-06:00Pride Parade<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6udjqDcjHZ5-lXn8yMWITD1HimtSZHwdxeVy8bz3OLt1j9A97YgHfsowzMaIMkZcoi92-aokYfUMAcOaQ2W4z3betZPFdqL5RNl5J3UWX9bUKen5q26F3PwhrK4bf9zFssstZvPPlx0Y/s640/blogger-image--1492979503.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6udjqDcjHZ5-lXn8yMWITD1HimtSZHwdxeVy8bz3OLt1j9A97YgHfsowzMaIMkZcoi92-aokYfUMAcOaQ2W4z3betZPFdqL5RNl5J3UWX9bUKen5q26F3PwhrK4bf9zFssstZvPPlx0Y/s640/blogger-image--1492979503.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-75163065287206000392015-04-07T09:33:00.001-06:002015-07-24T09:39:16.989-06:00Peace of General ConferenceA few years ago I had a really difficult time watching and listening to conference. Every little comment that might be construed to be against anything I believed--about homosexuality or same-sex marriage or even about the fact that my local leaders were handling everything wrong--made me really angry. I spent the days prior to conference ridden with anxiety for what was to come. Some conferences I cried. Some conferences I skipped. Some conferences I yelled at the TV and then my kids would turn in off because I wouldn't get up and do it myself. I would always try to listen to President Uchtdorf because he never said anything to make me angry, and usually said something that made me say ah-ha or amen.<br>
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But this year I watched or listened to nearly every minute. I spent Saturday with the TV on while cleaning my house. I missed a little bit of the conference here and there. I cringed a few times, especially during Saturday morning, every time "marriage is between a man and a woman" came up. But it didn't get to me. It may not be what I believe, but it is the current doctrine of the church, and with the way same-sex marriage has become legal in Utah and will soon be throughout the country, I would honestly be surprised if it did not show up in some of the talks. So it was said, and so I listened and said "yeah, yeah, yadda, yadda" in my head, but then between those phrases I gleaned treasures about the importance of family, things I whole-heartedly believe in for all families and all marriages.<br>
<br>
It wasn't until later in the day when one of my friends texted me to ask if I was watching conference that I found out the internet/Facebook was exploding with anger and frustration at what had been said. It was then that I realized that I have finally started coming down a really high mountain. There have been hills and valleys along the way, steep upward portions and easy flat ones, times when I've beaten my own path through the bushes, and then with scratches and bruises have come upon other damaged travelers that I could help. Sometimes I got lost in the woods and would stop and cry, about to give up, when another traveler off the path helped me up and let me walk with them for a while, helping me to bush-whack our own path. In all of those difficult pathways there have been beautiful flowers and trees and birds and butterflies and waterfalls and sunsets. So many treasures of knowledge and enlightenment and peace in the midst of the frustration and pain.<br>
<br>
But conference weekend, for once, was a beautiful meadow with plenty of shade to rest in, permeated with peace. That's what it was for me, while for others, it was the most difficult path they have been on yet. I didn't feel guilty about my beliefs that vary from things that were said. I did not feel guilt or fear about the fact that none of my children attend church. I only felt peace and hope. I felt love for the speakers, for the leaders who are struggling with their health and are daily attacked by the words of those who are angry with them and don't believe them. I felt a confirmation that they are doing the best they can with what they understand.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-12053740070128838662014-03-21T22:29:00.000-06:002014-03-21T22:36:18.522-06:00Enduring Women<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqFU0T9mbmHYlMNIBxocUxQX-l_5SDNorawz6zsnz_6cmXyLeMgFlXEV1aLG17-wOhZRy99JtOahqpI7SgJc69wDc3GvmZ3TMLf1m1ZQ07-fMEp_Lcz0N4sX3d2EkbpU98NyMphYp7xnw/s1600/OW-Sarah-2014.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1mw2_JL_ae7gBJVL-l78cWUWwIHqfQAko3EfYai1WwywPR1QoOhTwyG5-a1czwOcLJ_-aHH042ikKDTP7ekuRoPMbti7Jh_EuDtjk0aMRAqLiSIH6dBjKXUEovHVisV64IDC5N5Q6BDA/s1600/10112195235_3dbf765205_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1mw2_JL_ae7gBJVL-l78cWUWwIHqfQAko3EfYai1WwywPR1QoOhTwyG5-a1czwOcLJ_-aHH042ikKDTP7ekuRoPMbti7Jh_EuDtjk0aMRAqLiSIH6dBjKXUEovHVisV64IDC5N5Q6BDA/s1600/10112195235_3dbf765205_o.jpg" height="200" width="132" /></a></div>
I spent a few months really enjoying my regular church attendance, but for the last few weeks, I've been struggling to attend for various reasons. In fact, certain things (which I don't feel like I should share specifically) have made me nearly certain that my path should probably be heading out of the church again.<br />
<br />
That is until a <a href="http://rationalfaiths.com/why-arent-the-women-included/" target="_blank">blog post </a>I read today.<br />
<br />
I've been known to say that "Satan is in the conflict." I specifically used that phrase at a meeting of people with differing views on navigating issues regarding same-sex-attraction within the Mormon church (at the circling the wagons conference exactly a month ago.)<br />
<br />
But this time I refer to a different cause and a different conversation where people have very strong feelings and for some people, those feelings reveal themselves within written comments that are not at all Christ-like.<br />
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I did not specifically post about this last fall, because I consider myself an ally to this other group rather than one of the members. The group I refer to is represented at <a href="http://ordainwomen.org/">OrdainWomen.org</a>. I did briefly refer to my experience in my post about <a href="http://serendipitystr8wife.blogspot.com/2013/12/wearing-pants.html" target="_blank">wearing pants to church</a> just a couple of months ago.<br />
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When one becomes of a liberal mind, especially within Mormonism, there is no way to avoid meeting other people who are also liberal, but sometimes with a different focus. While my own gateway is of course my passionate support of the LGBTQ community, I have become acquainted with many Mormon feminists in addition to those passionate about other various issues within LDS culture. So a friend talked me into attending the Ordain Women event, and while my daughter and I did attend and I enjoyed doing so, I also spent time avoiding the video cameras (because I am a little bit afraid of how publicly supporting such a controversial event could affect my job), and I actually felt very awkward asking for entrance into the priesthood session. I would have loved to attend as it is always my favorite one to read in the Ensign after the fact, but I knew what the answer would be, and I honestly felt bad for the man that had to handle the situation.<br />
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Over the past couple of weeks, I have been thinking about the upcoming event to try again to attend the April priesthood session, and had not yet decided what I personally wanted to do to support it and my friends that feel strongly about the inequality of women within the church.<br />
<br />
And then the church <a href="http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-asks-activist-group-to-reconsider-general-conference-protest-plans" target="_blank">sent a letter</a> this past Monday to Ordain Women, asking them not to "Protest" within the temple grounds, but instead in the free speech zones outside of temple square, if they must.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqFU0T9mbmHYlMNIBxocUxQX-l_5SDNorawz6zsnz_6cmXyLeMgFlXEV1aLG17-wOhZRy99JtOahqpI7SgJc69wDc3GvmZ3TMLf1m1ZQ07-fMEp_Lcz0N4sX3d2EkbpU98NyMphYp7xnw/s1600/OW-Sarah-2014.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqFU0T9mbmHYlMNIBxocUxQX-l_5SDNorawz6zsnz_6cmXyLeMgFlXEV1aLG17-wOhZRy99JtOahqpI7SgJc69wDc3GvmZ3TMLf1m1ZQ07-fMEp_Lcz0N4sX3d2EkbpU98NyMphYp7xnw/s1600/OW-Sarah-2014.png" height="200" width="200" /></a>News of the letter hit Facebook, news articles in local and national papers, and many blogs. Comments have been very confrontational and demeaning. All of the turmoil was another reason for me to want to leave my religion behind me. There is so much that concerns me in the way that the church handles things sometimes, and then the way some of the members go crazy with it. I have tired of reading about it over the last few days. My department chair at school, to whom I mentioned my attendance at conference last fall, asked me a couple of days ago not to participate this time, that he did not feel good about my doing so. I had just barely changed my Facebook photo to the one supporting Ordain Women as seen above, but agreed with him that I was not sure I should actually attend the event.<br />
<br />
Today a new blog post started circulating (<a href="http://rationalfaiths.com/why-arent-the-women-included/">http://rationalfaiths.com/why-arent-the-women-included/</a>), one containing dialogue from an interview with Chieko Okazaki--a former general Relief Society leader who wrote one of my favorite books ever: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Lighten-Finding-Real-Joy-Life-ebook/dp/B004CYF33E/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1395460587&sr=1-2&keywords=lighten+up" target="_blank">"Lighten up!"</a>(1993) I always enjoyed listening to her speak in conference.<br />
<br />
For some, this blog post and the information in contains may cause further separation and criticism for the church. But for me, it brought memories of this strong, amazing woman and her testimony. If she could endure some of the things that she did in her leadership position, and still maintain ties to the church because of her testimony, then maybe I can too.<br />
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Yes, I am still trying to figure out my path with regards to the church, and it might take my entire life to do so. Some might be critical of the ebb and flow of my support of and activity in the church. But I am following my own path, and I try not to judge others who follow their own path, and hope they will give me the same respect. I know some are just concerned for the conflict and unhappiness that it sometimes brings within me. I am too, but I'm sure there is something for me to learn from it, and I am only doing what my heart tells me to do. Meanwhile, Satan is in the conflict and the judgement of one another, and stops many from taking a Christ-like approach to conversing about topics on which they do not agree. All is not well in Zion, I'm afraid.<br />
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<br />
Not going to say much. Just posting this:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865597175/Same-sex-marriage-debate-needs-voices-of-hope.html">http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865597175/Same-sex-marriage-debate-needs-voices-of-hope.html</a><br />
<br />
and this:<br />
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<a href="http://youngstranger.blogspot.com/2014/02/of-hope-flawed-logic-no-win.html">http://youngstranger.blogspot.com/2014/02/of-hope-flawed-logic-no-win.html</a><br />
<br />
and this:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://serendipitystr8wife.blogspot.com/2012/06/recent-hype-over-mixed-orientation.html">http://serendipitystr8wife.blogspot.com/2012/06/recent-hype-over-mixed-orientation.html</a><br />
<br />
Sigh.<br />
<br />
'Nuff said.<br />
<br />
Goodnight.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-25199973464721149872014-02-23T16:33:00.000-07:002016-07-04T13:27:57.430-06:00ExhaustionThe last two days--as well as a few days and weeks prior--I spent time preparing for and attending the "circling the wagons" conference. I was on the planning committee as well as on a facilitation panel for a straight spouse workshop. (<a href="http://conferences.circlingthewagons.org/salt-lake-city-2014/" target="_blank">Circlingthewagons.org</a>)<br />
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My dear friend John wrote an excellent <a href="http://youngstranger.blogspot.com/2014/02/i-could-have-chosen-to-be-homosexual.html" target="_blank">blog post about the conference that I will refer to here</a> instead of detailing my own experience for now. When the podcast is available for my workshop, I will post it here. I am too tired to rehash what happened there, other than I'll say that I thought it was good.<br />
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My favorite thing about the conference was meeting in person the people I've grown to love online on Facebook, as well as seeing other dear friends that I only get to see at events like these.<br />
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My second favorite thing about such events is being able to discuss the gospel within the framework of those touched in some way by the gay issue in the LDS church or even just in the Utah/LDS culture. It brings such peace to know I'm not alone in my beliefs and thoughts and struggles. It also gives me great opportunities to learn from those who navigate this journey differently than I do, as well as share my journey in the hope that it will help someone else.<br />
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But the process is exhausting, and as I've been tired and depressed this morning, it occurs to me that although my heart wants to be active in the church, and I've learned to handle those things I disagree with, the thing that makes Sundays really hard for me now is that most of my children will not come with me. The youngest, who is now three, is the one that got me going because he loved nursery. The second to youngest, who turned 8 last June, has been attending for a couple of months to prepare and qualify for baptism, which happened February 1st. Now he will not come with me any more. Even the day after he was baptized required a bribe to get him here. I thought he understood what he was doing and wanted it for him, not just for me.<br />
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Giving my children freedom to choose to attend church or not is important. They have been down the difficult journey with the church that I have. But since they are still minors, where do I draw the line? Making those decisions and sticking to them is so exhausting. The path used to be clear, and there were two parents directing the children down that path. But now we are completely different paths, neither of which is the one we were all on before.<br />
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Just a difficult and exhausting journey to navigate. So not easy being a pioneer.<br />
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P.S. It didn't help that the lady conducting Relief Society today, after I wrote this blog post in Sacrament meeting, went on and on about how we need to go to Stake conference, and take our children, so that they can see that we love and support the Stake presidency, and so that the amazing and strong youth can stay on the right path in this wicked, wicked world. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. I came home and had a good cry. Not that I think my children are doomed to wickedness. And not that everything in the world that she finds wicked is also what I consider wicked. But tough to take when I was already feeling down about my children. :(<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-91931450954808679152013-12-26T22:13:00.000-07:002014-02-25T22:14:11.405-07:00Gay marriage in Utah?<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: -webkit-center;">'Twas the day after my gay friends began to legally marry.</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: -webkit-center;">In Utah!</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: -webkit-center;">At first I only saw the decision from the judge on Facebook. I didn't understand that there were actually people getting married, and more lining up to get married, in case it would all be shut down within hours or days.</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: -webkit-center;">As usual, it was a stressful day with the kids. In fact, it was the first day of the winter holiday break. So when I actually found out, I was in shock. And then I felt dread--dread for the topic coming up in church because it's all over the news. (I'm actually writing this months after the fact, because I found this unfinished draft in my list of blog posts.) Needless to say, I wasn't as happy about it as I always thought I would be. I wasn't sad about it, but just kind of in shock. My first reaction when I really found what was happening was to exclaim to the children, "Has hell frozen over? There is no way this is actually happening unless hell has frozen over." And maybe it had--the weather had been really cold.</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: -webkit-center;">But then the next morning, I woke up early to attend a stake choir practice for a Christmas program the following evening. Each ward was going to perform a song or two, but the concluding number, with a Stake choir and organ and piano accompaniment, was O Holy Night.</span><br />
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As I began to sing and paid attention to the beautiful, well-known words, I was overcome with emotion, I choked up on the words here and there, and I think some tears might have run down my cheeks...<br />
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<i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: -webkit-center;">O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining, </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth. </span></span>Long lay the world in sin and error pining.<br />Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.<br /><b>A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,<br />For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. </b><br />Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!<br />O night divine, the night when Christ was born;<br />O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!<br />O night, O Holy Night , O night divine! </i> </blockquote>
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<i><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Truly He taught us to love one another,</span><span style="text-align: -webkit-center;"> </span></b></span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">His law is love and His gospel is peace. </span></span>Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.<br /><b>And in his name all oppression shall cease. </b>Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,<br />With all our hearts we praise His holy name.<br />Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,<br />His power and glory ever more proclaim!<br />His power and glory ever more proclaim!</i></blockquote>
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It was a new and glorious morn. Couples rushed to the county offices to get marriage licenses, full of hope while their friends and family rejoiced! Many people showed love one to another, and oppression of a minority was, for a few days at least, ceasing.<br />
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Finally I was excited and emotional and everything I expected to be when same-sex marriage became legal in Utah. And there was no doubt in my mind that the hand of the Lord was in it, in everything falling into place for these wonderful people and families.<br />
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What a wonderful Christmas gift to so many this year. What a wonderful, beautiful gift.<br />
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</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-90971186985533436492013-12-15T17:07:00.000-07:002014-02-24T18:34:53.038-07:00Wearing Pants<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today was the second annual "wear-pants-to-church day."<br />
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I was not brave enough last year. I figured I was enough of a spectacle even attending church at all, that I didn't want more attention. Also, with all of the media on the topic, I figured people would be curious as to whether I would participate, rebelling against the norm in yet another way.</div>
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But this year it felt right. I've been attending church regularly. Also, I participated in the "ordain women" movement, supporting my feminist friends by standing in line with my daughter and asking to get into the priesthood session of conference. I didn't expect to get in, but I was touched by those women to whom this means so much. Also, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the session on the radio in my car on the way home, and then at home on my TV--the first time the session has been publicly broadcast for all to hear.</div>
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So wearing pants to church seemed like something I could do, and I was excited.</div>
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But I was amazed at how uncomfortable I felt. We arrived at church late, and though as I walked past one of my friends she pointed to my legs and gave me a thumbs up, and though no one else said anything, good or bad, I felt like I had a large scarlet S hanging around my neck.</div>
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It got worse in Relief Society when I was asked to say the closing prayer and then immediately asked to fill in for the chorister. I accepted, of course, but me--in pants--standing in front of everyone. I smiled and sang and gave it my all, the whole time thinking that everyone was starring at me and wondering what in the world I was wearing.</div>
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Toward the end of the lesson, I was on Facebook, <a href="http://pantstochurch.com/talked-friends-silliness/" target="_blank">reading things that my friends were posting about wearing pants to church</a>. One particular article touched me--right before I was supposed get up for the closing music and prayer. </div>
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It wasn't about making a statement. It wasn't about rebellion. It was about empathy, about understanding more fully how out-of-place some individuals feel at church and within our ward families. My heart was touched for those who suffer in silence, for those who feel like they stick out like a sore thumb for being different, even when they actually don't or when no one actually cares or actually judges them for how they are different. But somehow we've created a culture within Mormonism that makes many--if not all of us--feel that way in some way or another.</div>
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My heart was full as I lead the closing hymn and reverently spoke the closing prayer. I had walked in someone else's shoes, had felt how they might feel. </div>
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What a great, uncomfortable experience.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-55920408050530990802013-08-01T22:44:00.001-06:002013-08-01T22:44:02.468-06:00Just another day...<span style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">I hope no one minds if I post about my evening, which to me seemed as it should be, while others would find it to be incredibly weird.</span><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">I had a medical procedure done this morning (ablation, to hopefully eliminate messy, painful periods) and the timing happened to fall on the date my 17 and 15 yo left for a youth conference. In other words, they weren't around to babysit me nor their younger brothers.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Scott lives near the hospital, so I drove to his apartment this morning, he took me to the hospital, and then picked me up this afternoon, leaving the boys for few minutes each time to do so (ages 12, 8, and 3).</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">We originally planned that I would spend the day recovering at his place and then take the boys and I back home, but when it became obvious that I was not going to be able to drive myself home yet (due to anesthesia, narcotics, etc.), we decided that we should stay overnight. </div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">But Scott already had a date planned; a second date with a guy he likes that seems to like him back for once. I want him to be happy, so I honestly felt no resentment in just planning for him to keep his date. I tried to find someone to come stay with us for a couple of hours, but no luck. So we would all be in the care of my flighty 12 yo.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">The evening was uneventful, thank goodness, and now I am sleeping in Scott's bed while he probably will be up all night working (freelance graphic design) to support our two households before his client meeting in the morning.</div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); "><br></div><div style="font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">Just a day in my life, LOL.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-91036933748813799622013-01-30T21:16:00.001-07:002013-01-30T21:21:45.902-07:00Building BridgesWow. I know it has been forever. So, so busy with job and five kids. And I guess I kind of abandoned the blog after one of the comments called me whiny. And I now have other "secret" forums where I am more likely to vent the whiny stuff.<br />
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But I have to share a quick experience.<br />
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I've been attempting this month to go back to church on my terms. I've managed to make it at minimum to Relief Society and at most the entire three hours for the past four weeks. When there is a lesson I'm not really into, I distract myself with my phone, or grading papers, or last week, crocheting flowers. :) Or if the teacher is one that I know in particular is difficult for me to listen to, then I will just find someone in the hall or library to talk to and sluff that portion. I really think I am probably going back more for the community and the friends and less for the gospel messages, but I get a bit of spiritual nourishment in the process.<br />
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Over the last year to 18 months I have probably averaged attending at least one meeting or class at church about once a month. And the times that I have been most reluctant to go back have been when I've felt inclined to make a comment that lead to awkwardness and sometimes a feeling of conflict within the room. So over the past month, I have pretty much kept my mouth shut.<br />
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This past Sunday the lesson in Relief Society was from the 2012 October General Conference: <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/i-know-it-i-live-it-i-love-it?lang=eng">"I know it. I live it. I love it," by Ann M. Dibb. </a>The teacher was a substitute and a sister in the ward that I don't really know. She indicated that she liked her lessons to be more of a discussion, so she asked questions and expected participation. One of the main topics she threw out to us toward the beginning of the lesson was whether or not any of us had been in a circumstance where we had a difficult time admitting that we are Mormon. As I pondered the question I thought, well yeah, now I think I sometimes don't want to admit it. But it's not really admitting it as much as it is that I am in a different place with Mormonism--less active and not believing everything any more. So sometimes I will say that I am sort of Mormon, or I'm honest and say I am Mormon but that I don't go to church very often. I never would have hesitated admitting my religious affiliation at all before my crisis of faith.<br />
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Anyway, I was sorta thinking through all this when a thought went through my mind and I decided that maybe I should share it. I hesitated at first, but that was okay because there were lots of other ladies participating and sharing their stories. Finally I raised my hand bravely and shared something like this:<br />
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"Many of you know that I have gay friends that I would stand up for. I am the adviser of a gay-straight alliance at the high school where I teach. Inevitably the topic of Mormons comes up once in a while with these students, and the Mormon-bashing begins. When that happens, I stand up for Mormonism by telling them that I am a Mormon and that I don't judge them and they know that I love them."<br />
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For once I said something that did not seem to make everyone awkward. In fact, the teacher began sharing a story about a gay man at her work that was hesitant to get to know her at first, that he might have expected that based on her age and religion that she would be judgmental of him. But soon he learned that she wasn't at all what he expected and they became good friends.<br />
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Another lady (that I also didn't know) shared another story about a gay friend of hers. I was amazed! I had used the "g" word in the room, and it did not catch on fire. The spirit didn't leave, and no one appeared to get tense and uncomfortable. I've always felt like I wanted to get people in my ward talking about the gay issue. Not about what is right and what is wrong and what is sin and what is happening to the morals of this world we live in. But about people. About love. About acceptance. About children of God.<br />
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This positive experience makes me want to continue to go back and to watch for opportunities to build bridges.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-54916974353536728302012-11-04T21:24:00.000-07:002013-04-08T16:44:09.196-06:00Four Years Ago<i>Note: I wrote this November 4th, but didn't post it until January 30. So if it just barely showed up in your news feed and you weren't sure why it took three months to get there, don't worry--my fault. :)</i><br />
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I woke up this morning and began to think about my day. I have to finish making a costume for my daughter for the school musical and I have a tiny bit of grading left to do to finish the first term grades for one of my classes. I am also participating in the last part of the "Circling the Wagons" conference this weekend by saying a prayer at the interfaith service this afternoon.<br />
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But there is barely time before the service that I could attend my own Sacrament meeting at 11, which I have not done since the end of September when I attended the Primary program. I was not planning to go to my meeting at all, but as I thought about it, I remembered that this is an anniversary of sorts.<br />
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It has been four years today since Scott stood up in Fast and Testimony meeting and came out to our ward. If any of you read the story back then and still remember any of it, you would recall that both Scott and I, separate of each other, woke up nervous with the distinct thought and feeling that he should come out in Sacrament meeting that day. Finally, I couldn't handle the thought screaming in my head any longer, so I shared it out loud with Scott. He had a shocked look on his face as he shared with me that he had been feeling and thinking the same thing.<br />
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Up to this point, I knew he had toyed with the idea of doing that very thing, and I had expressed that while I valued the reasons he had for coming out to our ward, I thought we should work toward getting permission to do it during a 5th Sunday meeting with the adults. The fact that this day I woke up feeling that it should be in Sacrament meeting was not my own thoughts and opinions, but I'm certain rather that it was the inspiration of a higher power.<br />
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So Scott wrote up what he would say, because he knew he would be extremely nervous. He went to the church and told the bishop what he intended to do, to which the bishop responded that he wasn't going to stop him but he preferred that he didn't. And then together we asked our two oldest children (11 and 12 at the time) for permission, and they were on board, excited not to have to keep this family secret any more.<br />
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While I still believe that decision was inspired, I had no idea that it would lead me to where I am now.<br />
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So I remembered today that event four years ago, and I started feeling like maybe I should go and share my testimony today, my testimony of how that event was inspired, a few details of where Scott's testimony is now (which is pretty much non-existent, as far as I can tell. I'm not sure he even believes there is a God any more), and where my testimony is now, which is a testimony of a few basic principles of the gospel, including Christ and loving one another. I had a script going through my head when I sat down at my computer and now I can't remember it...<br />
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"Four years ago, Scott shared in fast and testimony meeting that he had come to terms with being attracted to men, but that he knew God loved him the way he is. He and I both woke up that day feeling like he should do this, and I still believe that decision, which we made as a family including our two oldest children--was inspired. We didn't know what the consequences of that decision would be, and we knew they could be horrible, but neither of us could deny the spirit that told us to move forward.<br />
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I am so grateful for the outpouring of love that has come from so many of you as our family structure and testimonies have changed in the last four years. I have made some amazing friends in this ward that I'm certain came as a result of this pivotal event.<br />
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This week I was going through some old newspapers, and I read one of Robert Kirby's columns. In it he said "Jesus Christ gave us the gospel, but Satan gave us religion." While I'm certain he meant the sentence to be humorous, it hit very close to home for me. I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and his gospel. I have a testimony of loving others without judgement, realizing that Christ is the judge and He is able to make that judgement based on all aspects of our lives. I no longer have a testimony of a certain church being true. I believe that any religion that helps a particular person live a good life, serve others, and grow closer to God has done what it needed to do for that person. I know that the LDS church has done much good for me through many years of my life. Now I'm not sure if this religion or another one is best for me and my family in this journey. Someday I will figure it out. For now, though, I am grateful."<br />
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I did not end up going to church and sharing this testimony, by the way. But thinking through it and writing it here was helpful for me.<br />
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I spoke with a friend yesterday at the conference who came to our first Moho party four years ago. He had fond memories of what that connection did for him. He continues to be married to a woman and active in the church, and now serves as president of the NorthStar organization. And yet a year later when we tried to renew our temple recommends, Scott was told that our parties were "associating with those whose teachings and practices are contrary to the church." I feel like we are martyrs of sorts. Or at least Scott's testimony is a martyr. And I feel like Emma Smith, unable to fight the fight any longer because of what I've been through. I went to a fireside where the author of the book <i>Emma</i> spoke and shared that she believed that Emma had fulfilled her calling as wife to the prophet, her calling in this life. And when Joseph was brought home to rest, she was also given the opportunity to rest. I know of many who were critical of her decision to not come to Utah and remain an active member of the church, but I completely understand why she had to do just that. That is where I am. And though it pains me to know of the generations of posterity that could be affected by my decision, I can only hope and pray that it will be for the best, and that my children and grandchildren will learn to love as Jesus loved, regardless of which or any religion they belong to.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-1676784735077689502012-08-11T17:30:00.000-06:002012-08-11T17:30:00.814-06:00Premiere "It Gets Better" with Straight SpousesSome summers as school approaches, I can't think of anything significant that I have done with my life in the 2-3 months I've been off work. But this summer will be different. This summer I can say that I have helped to create some videos to build bridges, to promote understanding and hope.<br />
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Here is the masterpiece, and today is the day it premieres at the<a href="http://mormonstories.org/san-francisco-circling-the-wagons-conference-for-lgbtqssa-mormons-and-their-families-friends-and-allies-august-10th-12th-2012/" target="_blank"> Mormon Stories LGBTQ "'Circling the Wagons Conference" in San Francisco</a>.
And now, following its premiere, I want it to go viral like the Josh Weed story. I want there to be a balance in the world on this topic. I want hopeful LDS friends and family that have been encouraging their gay loved ones that they can follow the gospel plan, marry someone of the opposite sex and raise a family to see this video, to feel the pain of the straight spouse and children, to understand the consequences that frequently come from well-intentioned individuals following the gospel plan that simply does not work for them.<br />
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I want to give hope to those out there still in their closets to have hope that they are not alone in their pain, and that life can and will get better.<br />
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Please help me by sharing this video today. The more people we reach, the bigger difference it will make.
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<br />
Thanks. There are individual video stories from the people involved on our YouTube channel, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/supportivestraights" target="_blank">supportivestraights</a>. The videos are also linked from the website at <a href="http://straightspouses.org/">straightspouses.org</a>. The video has also been uploaded to the<a href="http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZe6JLoPw3bRpsHTn23R2lQ" target="_blank"> Mormon Stories "It Gets Better" YouTube Channel</a>, where you can find videos from many other gay Mormons and allies.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="225" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/xkKoD1uVbrE?rel=0" width="400"></iframe>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-77278488021899758042012-07-27T00:16:00.001-06:002012-07-27T00:16:51.225-06:00PioneersWith the coming and going of another pioneer day celebration here in Utah, and with fleeting thoughts of our stakes' pioneer trek this week up at independence rock, martin's cove and rocky ridge (which my teenagers adamantly decided not to attend), pioneers have been sort of on my mind.<br />
<br />
I have much Mormon pioneer ancestry but my favorite modern pioneer is Carol Lynn Pearson.<br />
<br />
I've been listening to bits of her Mormon Stories podcast with John Dehlin. The last podcast ends with her answering the question of how she has been able to stay active in the church.<br />
<br />
Memorable phrases and ideas from this amazing woman:<br />
<br />
Where love is, there God is also. Love, and therefore God, can be found in pretty much any church.<br />
<br />
God is bigger than any church, including the Mormon church.<br />
<br />
It is essential to be out of all closets with regards to feminism and gay rights, etc.<br />
<br />
Then she ends the podcast with her poem titled "pioneers". It gives me much to think about, to ponder:<br />
<br />
“Pioneers,”<br />
by CAROL LYNN PEARSON<br />
<br />
My people were Mormon pioneers.<br />
Is the blood still good?<br />
They stood by in awe as truth<br />
Flew by like a dove<br />
And dropped a feather in the West.<br />
Where truth flies you follow<br />
If you are a pioneer.<br />
<br />
I have searched the skies<br />
And now and then<br />
Another feather has fallen.<br />
I have packed the handcart again<br />
Packed it with the precious things<br />
And thrown away the rest.<br />
<br />
I will sing by the fires at night<br />
Out there on uncharted ground<br />
Where I am my own captain of tens<br />
Where I blow the bugle<br />
Bring myself to morning prayer<br />
Map out the miles<br />
And never know when or where<br />
Or if at all<br />
I will finally say,<br />
“This is the place,”<br />
<br />
I face the plains <br />
On a good day for walking.<br />
The sun rises<br />
And the mist clears.<br />
I will be alright:<br />
My people were Mormon pioneers.<br />
<br />
<br />
Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-42683801973077943542012-07-20T13:51:00.001-06:002013-08-01T22:54:59.075-06:00Kind & Quiet FamilyIt has been a… week. Two of Scott’s very LDS siblings and their families that live half-way across the country have been in town. They've invited me and the kids (and Scott) to join them in several outings, including a family dinner party at the parents’ house. Scott of course refused all invitations, but for the sake of the kids seeing some of their favorite cousins, I have participated. Grandpa even paid for the older two to attend EFY (Especially for Youth) with three of their cousins at BYU in Provo this week.<br>
<br>
Everyone has been really nice. No one has said anything homophobic or judgmental even though I had opportunities to make it very clear that the kids and I no longer attend church very often at all (since one of the kids had no dress shoes that fit to take with him to EFY). They have been nicer and more inclusive than I would have ever imagined, and yet it has been very hard for me. In fact, at the family party, I broke down and began to cry and was unable to stop, even after getting home that night. I cried myself to sleep and continued to be a bit weepy the next morning until my straight spouse therapist friend came over and helped me work through it.<br>
<br>
Why, for no apparent reason, would I suddenly have this breakdown?<br>
<br>
My friend and I decided that just because there wasn’t one huge obvious reasons, doesn’t mean that there weren’t many many little reasons that added up to a breaking point for me.<br>
<br>
In no particular order:<br>
<br>
1. One of these family members had to have called our bishop four years ago and lied to us about it. Someday I would love for whomever it was to come clean and apologize. In the meantime, I struggle with forgiveness for that person, my former bishop, and my current stake president.<br>
<br>
2. Last summer when one of the same families was in town, at my father-in-law’s request, they told their children that Scott and I were divorcing, but they flat out lied to them when the kids asked them why and the parents said they didn't know.<br>
<br>
3. Three summers ago when one of the other families was in town, they planned a backpacking trip with another local sibling with their kids, and Scott and my kids were not invited. When I found out that my kids would not be able to see their cousins because of this trip, I tried to see if my older kids could go too and was told no because it had been months in the planning and “they had not tried to hide it from us” even though I had absolutely no idea it was happening.<br>
<br>
4. Recently I had a heated email conversation with the local sibling when I sent him (and everyone else) an email with a link to an article about teaching children about gay people. He specifically told me to leave him and the other siblings alone: Don’t send emails, don’t dress my kids in matching “Utah Gay Fathers” shirts and don’t give them story books about how some families have two moms or two dads. That I shouldn't tell him what to teach his children any more than he should tell me what to teach mine, even though he strongly believes that I should teach them that acting on homosexuality is a sin and contrary to God’s plan. I guess I should be grateful that he even responded, when all I get from the other siblings is dead silence.<br>
<br>
5. Because of all of this past baggage, they don’t say a word to me about any of it and I am afraid to death to say anything to them. For example, they were discussing a video that one brother had made for his youth conference (he is a leader in the stake young men's organization) that was similar to the popular “Kid History” videos on YouTube. I wanted to tell them about the video that I had spent hours on that week, an “It gets better” video for straight spouses. But did I? Of course not. I was afraid to say anything for fear I would say something that would offend someone and make them uncomfortable. Instead, I became very uncomfortable and eventually broke down into an unstoppable torrent of tears.<br>
<br>
6. Looming in the background were memories of a party with my family for my dad’s birthday just the week prior, where my dad told the restaurant owner and long-time friend of the family that my husband left me to find a boyfriend. His tone of voice was one of disgust, and I quickly glared at him and shared my own version of the story about Scott discovering his true self and how we are still best friends, parenting together from different homes. At the same party, Scott said he thought my brother had his back to him the entire time. My brother and his wife used to be Scott’s biggest fans, and now they don’t recognize his existence, even though all of their kids have left the church and one has two baby mommas, neither of which he has been married to. Do they give their own kids the same silent treatment? Gratefully, no. But it does seem rather hypocritical to me. Anyway, their wedding anniversary was the same day as Scott’s family party, and I had acknowledged it on Facebook. There was no indication that they recognized or appreciated the fact that I acknowledged it. Just painful silence, as usual.<br>
<br>
7. I was also frustrated that Scott put himself first, and refused to attend the family party because of the tickets he purchased for the "Damn these Heels" gay film festival. We are both uncomfortable around his family, but it is not fair for our kids to suffer from our discomfort and therefore not be able to associate with their cousins. So I am the one that has to step up for his children at his family party. Granted he did go in April to the Easter party for that reason, but this really was time for him to be there again and help build those bridges with his family. To show that he is happy despite living a gay lifestyle.Yes, yes...I am a little bit bitter about that one. Sorry--I usually try not to complain about Scott because he is a great dad and has taken the kids overnight a few times this summer so I could have a break and he works so hard to earn the money to help support two households. And he helps with so many other things. But still, I have to acknowledge the frustration to truly process the situation with this post.<br>
<br>
When I began to break down at the family party, I went in the den and closed the door and posted a depressed note on Facebook. Right after that, one of Scott’s step-sisters (a liberal one that has caused herself a lot of stress in her own life) came through the door and held me as I cried. She had seen my post on facebook on her smartphone and immediately came searching.<br>
<br>
Later, when I was crying again, my father-in-law and I were a distance away from the rest of the family discussing the situation. I told him how I felt I didn’t fit in there, even though they were all nice and accepting of me. I told him I couldn’t participate in conversations freely because I was afraid I would say something I shouldn’t. I mentioned my video project and showed it to him. Scott’s parents have really come a long way, and I have no problem freely talking to them about anything when no one else is around. He commented about how my life is very narrow right now, and that I can’t see anything around me other than things that are related to “gay”. He was trying hard not to be critical of that, but just to mention his observation and that’s why I feel like I don’t fit in.<br>
<br>
What I wanted to do was to look one member of the family in the eyes and ask him/her to tell me straight that he/she had not called our bishop. But I only saw this particular person one day and there was never a private moment to do such a thing.<br>
<br>
I wanted to tell them about my straight spouse group and the article in the tribune.
I wanted them to reach out to Scott while they were here, to apologize for making him feel rejected and somehow prove that they truly do love him. None of this love the sinner and hate the sin bunk that doesn’t really exist.<br>
<br>
I want to email them all and tell them why I was crying, why I was uncomfortable, and say all the things I was unable to say in person. I want to send them a link to my video when it is done. I want them to understand and feel both my pain through this journey as well as my growth and my continued support and friendship with Scott. I want to tell them to stop sitting uncomfortably where they are, but to join support groups with other people who have gay family, to read “No more Goodbyes”, to somehow have it click that loving and supporting their brother is so much more important than what their church tells them about his behavior. And then to truly reach out and get to know the real him. To ask him about who he is dating, or how he has helped talk individuals out of suicide, or of his participation in the Utah Gay Father’s association and the good that they are doing for men that would otherwise be miserable, making their families miserable along with them and/or taking their own lives in desperation.<br>
<br>
<br>
I want to.<br>
<br>
<br>
I am afraid to.<br>
<br>
<br>
But I probably will. When the video is done in a couple of weeks.
And maybe, just maybe, this will be my last attempt to bridge some huge canyons in the family. Because if anything is going to change, it ultimately has to be their decision to take the right steps to make it happen.<br>
<br>
<br>
In the mean time, I have no idea what to do about my own brother, and that simply breaks my heart more than I am willing to admit most of the time.<br>
<br>
<br>
It gets better. It has to.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-52136619497478924612012-07-01T13:52:00.000-06:002012-07-20T13:54:22.913-06:00Lost Belief<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">I went to sacrament meeting today for the first time in 4 months, since the March fast and testimony meeting when someone talked about a cousin in their family with same sex attraction that everyone prayed for and then she married a man and their prayers were heard.<br /><br />I purposely went today without my children, to take the sacrament and to ponder and pray. But the Mormon church is different to me now. As I listened to the testimonies, I thought about how they all said "I know the church is true." I have visited a few other religions over the past few months, and the people in those churches are also sure that their church is true! How can that be? Well, I guess I don't believe in "one true church" any more. I believe in God, and I believe that religion can be a good thing in our lives. But I felt like today during the meeting that I realized that one major issue with the Mormon church is that they appear to believe that they are the "one true church", which gives a feel that they are better than everyone else, that they are right on all of these issues when other churches or beliefs are wrong.<br /><br />And so my issue is not with the imperfect people. It is truly with the church itself. I have been trying and trying to figure out a way for me to go back and get the kids to go back. But I don't think I can. I don't believe it to be the one true church, and so I think we can better worship the same loving God and Son and believe in the same basic plan of happiness by attending somewhere else where the pride is not so encompassing.<br /><br />I keep thinking more and more about ordinances. Why would God require ordinances in order to live with him again? Why is the Mormon church--with all of its imperfections--the only one with the right to these precious ordinances. What is wrong with the compassionate people who commit themselves to God with baptism and sacrament in other churches? Why does it have to be one particular way?<br /><br />The other thing that really bothers me is the issue of worthiness. Why is it that the souls who are in need of the most spiritual healing are the ones that can't take the sacrament or attend the temple? Why does it have to be exclusive? Why can't the church house homeless people in Colorado whose homes have burned to the ground, regardless of their adherence to the word of wisdom?<br /><br />There is just so much that makes no sense to me any more, and I don't think I can do it. I think I must leave it behind and move on.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-55725899484887845002012-06-22T02:14:00.001-06:002014-02-24T20:52:56.134-07:00In the NewsSo, here is an update on my week. Of course there was my <a href="http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2012/06/a-look-inside-your-neighbors-window-fairy-tale-gone-awry/http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2012/06/a-look-inside-your-neighbors-window-fairy-tale-gone-awry/" target="_blank"> guest post on Feminist Mormon Housewives</a> last Saturday, which only generated very kind responses, but not a lot of responses. Has everyone been busy, or are the readers losing interest in the series? Or maybe the readers are learning from the ongoing, weekly stories and have fewer questions to ask and fewer dead horses to beat.<br />
<br />
Monday morning, as the kids and I were getting ready to go paint some ceramics, I received a phone call from Peggy Fletcher Stack of the <i><a href="http://www.sltrib.com/" target="_blank">Salt Lake Tribune</a></i>. She asked me to tell her my story, and specifically about starting the straight spouses Facebook group a little over a year ago, and also the recent website and effort to reach out to more spouses that might need support.<br />
<br />
I shared as much as I could and the tears flowed. I don't often cry over everything anymore, but as I recalled the difficult times, especially with church leaders and with my last pregnancy, I became very emotional. Hmmm. It occurs to me now that the most emotional parts of my story are the ones that she included in her article.<br />
<br />
Anyway, off the kids and I went for an afternoon of fun. So excited to get my ceramic small-appetizer-plate back--it is going to be EPIC. I promise to post photos. Scott entertained two of the uninterested children at his place, so the rest of us enjoyed letting our creativity flow, not worrying too much about the clock and time that passed.<br />
<br />
That evening, it occurred to me that if the article ran the next day in the paper as Peggy said she hoped it would, that people would be directed to our new straight spouse blog/website. I quickly contacted a couple of the ladies that have really encouraged the outreach that we've done lately, and asked them to look over the website and help me figure out any quick edits that would make it better for the moment. Just as I was texting back and forth with one of them, Peggy called and said the article was online. She wanted me to look at it and correct any blatant errors if needed.<br />
<br />
Woah.<br />
<br />
The article is online.<br />
<br />
It would be in the morning paper.<br />
<br />
Weird emotions of fear, anxiety, excitement, and so on fell over me as I went online, found the article and began to read.<br />
<br />
It was good. It presented different issues of mixed orientation marriages, from Josh and Lolly Weed and Ty and Danielle Mansfield to myself and my uber spiritual friend Jessica. Titled <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/54328791-78/gay-says-mormon-weed.html.csp" target="_blank">"Group offers Help to Mormons whose Spouses are Gay"</a> , the article starts and ends with promoting our Facebook group. It also, of course, speaks to the hype surrounding the <a href="http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html" target="_blank">Weed blog post</a> earlier this month, which I blogged about <a href="http://serendipitystr8wife.blogspot.com/2012/06/recent-hype-over-mixed-orientation.html" target="_blank"> last week</a>.<br />
<br />
A couple of comments from me: At the end of the article, it says I am now divorced. This is a slight error since Scott and I have not yet done that last technical step. And I'm pretty sure I mentioned that to Peggy. But she also understood that divorce is inevitable, and we are divorced emotionally and physically, and mostly financially, down to our separate accounts and Scott's self-imposed generous child-support payments. It's just not <i>legally </i>divorce yet. We don't have the paper with the signature that says it's so--kind of like gay couples in Utah that have committed their lives to each other and consider themselves married, which they aren't really, unless they've taken the time to go to some other state to get that little piece of paper that says they are. Yes, Scott has dated other men for over two years now with my permission and blessing. I personally do not yet feel ready to start dating again yet, but I also don't want to date until we are divorced, so I think I'm ready to start working on those papers this summer so that when I'm ready to check out the other fish in the sea, I will also be legally and morally ready to do so. It is my own personal decision, and I really have no problem with those in my situation that have begun dating before their divorces have been final.<br />
<br />
That was more than I planned to share. Oh well. :)<br />
<br />
Moving on--my main concern with the article was this paragraph, and I sort of mentioned my discomfort with it on the phone that night, but it was obvious that Peggy felt it somewhat central to the piece and did not want to try to edit it:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Nicholson’s husband of 13 years, whom she had loved since they were madrigal partners in high school, told her he was gay. <b>Latter-day Saints in her West Valley City ward kept saying gay-rights advocacy was Satan’s work, she says</b>. Though the couple remained together at first and honored their marriage vows,<b> several local Mormon leaders were not only unsympathetic, they also were openly hostile to the news</b>.</i></blockquote>
<br />
So, being all about clarifications and honesty, here goes: there was one lady in my ward during one lesson (before Scott was out to anyone but me really ) that said something to the effect that the whole thing with gays wanting to get married was the work of Satan. No one else said that, nor did this lady keep saying it. But I guess the fact that the bishop asked me to repent of sending letters to these woman about my changed view of gay rights might also infer that he feels the same way about gay rights activism being Satan's work. And the fact that temple recommend worthiness was questioned because of our public views on gay rights and our associations with other gay Mormons also indicates that same mentality, I suppose. So I understand Peggy's interpretation. However, I have such good friends in my ward that have been nothing but supportive, and I didn't want any of them to read the article and feel like I was speaking against all of them in general.<br />
<br />
The fact is, over the past four years, I have had several traumatic events at church relating to this new phase of my life and my views on LGBT rights, and even though the trauma has come from very few people, and I even believe that those people had only the best of intentions to help me and our family, Peggy heard the pain in my words and my emotions as I spoke of the experiences. And this paragraph of her article speaks to that pain that she shared with me for a few moments as I unloaded it on her. I just hope that those who have reached out to me, or even those in my ward that have quietly prayed for me, will know that I love them and recognize their efforts to just love and accept our family regardless of what we believe and how often we go (or don't go, rather) to church.<br />
<br />
The tribune article received a lot of comments, both positive and negative. One thing that came up as a discussion in the comments was the thought that the men in mixed orientation marriages must be bisexual. To this idea, Scott <a href="http://scottnic.tumblr.com/post/25490410698/why-im-not-bisexual" target="_blank">wrote a response</a> that some of us told him he should send in as a letter to the editor.<br />
<br />
The other thing that I want to address with people is that to the world, the words "gay" and "homosexual" and even "same-sex attraction" all mean about the same thing these days. But to some old-school religious people, using the word "gay" automatically means living the gay lifestyle, or sin. To me, I don't differentiate. I never have. Scott blogged about this once long ago. (I will have to look up the link later). When he thought the words to himself "I am gay", he had one of the most spiritual and self-affirming experiences of his life, and yet he not done anything that would pertain to "the lifestyle". I don't look at my gay friends and say "he's gay because he sleeps around" or "He's gay because he has a boyfriend" or "he struggles with same-sex attraction but has been faithful to his wife" or "he is homosexual but is celibate." Why use different words to indicate if someone is a sinner or not? Why, in the words of Elder Uchtdorf and someone's bumper sticker, judge someone because they sin differently than we do? It's silly. It is so "The Scarlet Letter" era of thinking, in my opinion.<br />
<br />
So get with the times. Use whatever terminology you personally want to use, but don't get all self-righteous with me because of what you consider my (or others) inappropriate use of the word "gay."<br />
<br />
Next, (I'm almost done), some other noteworthy links and responses to these same topics.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>A news site in the UK picked up the SL Tribune Article and looked at the <a href="http://straightspouses.org/" target="_blank">straight spouses website</a> and subsequently <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2161623/The-mixed-orientation-marriage-support-group-created-help-rising-number-Mormon-wives-living-husband-gay.html" target="_blank">wrote their own report</a>.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2F&h=JAQFE7I3hAQHJOsnepOF2jPSoNp4ZBd9Mx_C4vhP7SQJ-EA&enc=AZOD04cB9R3L6o_WtIMIzsa7yUJbeRVU1ffDS8MR8iQ_mhkhrVpso7_INiWRAnSuo0aKF5HditUWluH7MQL2YAMiKoPfCqctpNKJHAbQSJqozw" target="_blank">Huffington Post has also now picked up the story.</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.danoah.com/2012/06/in-which-i-respond-to-josh-weeds-club-unicorn-post.html" target="_blank">Awesome response from "Single Dad Laughing"</a>, who not too long ago wrote another winning article titled <a href="http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html" target="_blank">"I'm Christian Unless You're Gay"</a>.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.kutv.com/news/top-stories/stories/vid_1116.shtml" target="_blank">Utah news story about the Weed post.</a></li>
<li><a href="http://dadsprimalscream.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/women-who-marry-gay-men/http://dadsprimalscream.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/women-who-marry-gay-men/" target="_blank">Another blog post I read and enjoyed </a>(From Dad's Primal Scream, "Women who Marry Gay Men". I'm sure there are many, many other responses out there).</li>
<li>Ashley's crumbs--<a href="http://ashleystinycrumbs.blogspot.com/2012/06/absence-of-gay-marriage-is-real-threat.html" target="_blank">blog post about how allowing gay marriage would help families</a>, and not allowing it actually hurts families (like hers and mine, for example.)</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
I would love for people to comment and post links to other blogs or articles that they have recently read on these topics. Thanks!<br />
<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-20106914169934019662012-06-20T22:23:00.001-06:002012-06-21T23:34:35.369-06:00Mormons Building BridgesA short time before the Salt Lake Gay Pride celebration, I was added to a Facebook group titled "Mormons Building Bridges". Within this group the plans for marching in the parade were organized and finalized. But now that the parade is over, the conversations continue, and people are posting about their wonderful experiences from pride, but also about other experiences and interactions within their LDS church buildings and/or with their friends and ward members.<br />
<br />
This week, one man named Nic posted this beautiful experience that must be shared:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Today at church in a Father's Day talk, a member went off about how society is going down on the backs of the iniquity of homosexuals everywhere, gays are no better than animals and gay marriage will destroy families and gay parents destroy children, how evil homosexuality is and how ashamed they should be for corrupting things God intended otherwise.<br /> <br />Given my internal compass I am not offended by this but I looked around at everyone and wondered who else could be gay and hearing this. I tried to be cured and was in a hetero marriage that ended in divorce but I am a Dad as well. After sacrament I took this brother--he is a good man btw--in the hall and talked with him. I just told him I was gay and started testifying of the deep struggles I had for years trying to be cured. How much I love my kids and try to be the best Dad to them. How I did not choose this and I have an undeniable testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ including a strong relationship with them. And an even deeper testimony that they have always known I was gay, have never treated me differently and loved me even though I am gay.<br /> <br />His face turned more and more pale white as I talked. I looked up at him to notice at the end tears streaming down his face. This is a brother I have befriended, helped through struggles, helped with his house and moving, helped him anytime he needed it and always smiled and asked how he was doing. He said, "I just can't stop crying I feel the spirit so strong right now. I am so, so sorry. I, I, I didn't know I mean you have kids, I mean I need to repent so bad. You're gay? That entirely changes everything I have ever felt or been taught about gay people." He hugged me and kept crying. And apologized several more times. I told him even more than me I worried about others who heard it and their thoughts and feelings. He said "I will go to the Bishop and ask him how I can correct this, so I can share what I have learned and my apology." So he did.<br /> <br />Contention comes from one place, not God. We too easily politicize everything but souls are not political pawns to be played with. They are beautiful, intrinsically worth it children of God! Miracles happen as we reach out in love and understanding ONE soul at a time! I know this works as we have the courage to be ourselves and testify of true principles!"</i></blockquote>
<br />
In the group, we asked Nic if the branch president had addressed the issue at all. Nic shared the following details:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"The branch president stood up and interrupted the talk to end the meeting. His son had come up and grabbed his hand (a toddler). I got up and approached the brother asking him if I could have a word with him in the hallway.<br /> <br />The branch president asked everyone if they could stay in the chapel. I don't know what he said exactly but my piano teacher in the ward said he bore his testimony about growing up an anti-gay bully and bigot. He told them how he counseled a person who had struggled so much and been through so much as a gay person. He prayed and fasted for them. He was filled with the love Heavenly Father and the Savior had for this gay child of God. He told them how he had a complete change of heart, shed tears over how much he loved this person and they are still best friends to this day.<br /> <br />That's the short version but apparently there was not a dry eye in the place. He didn't name me but that gay person is me. He has had a complete and miraculous change of heart. He is so loving. I love him dearly. He has taken heat from those who know I am gay who have called him a "faggot sympathizer." He is truly one of my best friends. He has given a 5th Sunday lesson on loving and embracing gay members of the church that I wrote for him called, "The Worth of a Soul."<br /> <br />Unfortunately, the brother giving the talk was gone. But all things in their time and this turned out to be a great lesson for everyone involved. When Elder Holland visited my mission in North Carolina he told me something when I spoke to him I will never ever forget. He said, "Most people do not experience miracles because they do not live out where miracles happen." I determined I would be a person who lives "out where miracles happen." Anyone else can choose to do the same. Nothing special about me!<br />I always operate on love. I can't hate people; I love them too much! I see them as Heavenly Father and the Savior see them and feel their love for them too strongly. I have even been beaten and harmed for being gay. I don't feel sorry for myself. I just feel sorrow for those who did it and how much they must struggle inside to be able to do that to someone. I forgive and hope Heavenly Father and the Savior love them, heal them and give them peace."</i></blockquote>
<br />
<br />
Someday I hope to be as calmly vocal and as forgiving as Nic is, so that I can feel comfortable going back to church regularly and build bridges like he has. I told him that I would love to chat with him sometime about how to begin forgiving leaders and family members. In response, he shared a link to <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/the-healing-power-of-forgiveness?lang=eng" target="_blank">this talk by President Faust</a>, which I plan to read soon.<br />
<br />
God bless our leaders and other members to open their hearts and truly feel the spirit of love in the message that many of us have to share. Bless us to calmly stand on the side of love and avoid contention and be non-judgmental and forgiving as we do!<br />
<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-43060449083194761862012-06-15T23:58:00.001-06:002012-06-21T23:36:57.774-06:00Recent Hype over Mixed Orientation MarriageOver the last two months there has been an influx of discussion on the topic of mixed orientation marriages, primarily within Mormonism. In fact, the discussion has been so big that it's very possible that little if any of what I post here will be new to my readers. I think the conversation is far from over, which makes me tired just thinking about it. But I feel like it is finally time for me to compile some of my favorite quotes from the discussion along with a bit of my own feelings.<br />
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It all seemed to start with the cover and associated article of the<a href="http://ldsliving.com/story/68799-our-story-living-with-same-sex-attraction" target="_blank"> May/June 2012 issue of <i>LDS Living</i> magazine</a>, which is published by LDS church owned Deseret Book. The cover photo is a happy close-up shot of gay LDS author of <i>In Quiet Desperation</i> and <i>Voices of Hope</i> Ty Mansfield along with his wife Danielle and their young son. A large title adorns the page: "Our Story: Living with Same-Sex Attraction."<br />
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My first impression of the cover without reading the story was rage. How dare Deseret Book set up and encourage families like mine that will easily end in disaster for everyone involved, including children?<br />
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On May 3, I posted a link to the cover of the magazine on Facebook with this comment: <br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I'm really concerned about the cover of LDS Living Magazine. I haven't read the article yet, but even just the cover might give people the wrong idea about mixed orientation marriages (MOM). So here is my disclaimer--while being married to a gay spouse may work for some, please don't expect that everyone can make it work. In fact, in my experience with the many many Mormon MOM couples I have met, most can't. So please don't use this as ammunition against anyone in my situation, and don't judge them for making the decision that is best for them.</i></blockquote>
An active discussion ensued on my post, and became somewhat lively. I appreciated learning from the contrasting views, and I really did appreciate all sides. Following are some of my favorite comments.<br />
<br />
First, a furious gut reaction from another straight ex-wife friend of mine that remembered Ty possibly having spoken on a panel at BYU that she attended.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Well, if he's the same guy who spoke at BYU, I worry about it too. The other speakers said they couldn't imagine themselves in a MOM. He seemed to embrace it and say it was working great. Even made a joke about how he and his wife both think Ryan Reynolds is hot. It made my blood run cold! Not funny and not a healthy marriage!!! They are so young and foolish and perpetuating a course of action that is doomed to failure. We all know it's a bad idea! I hate that they are being set up as a model solution for an unsolvable problem. I see only destruction in their future and it makes me sick to think of other young couples who will think they can make it because of articles/ examples like this. :("</i></blockquote>
My lesbian blog friend is amazing. So much faith and tolerance and love for everyone. She shared her view.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"They say that it won't work for all. They are merely sharing their story, much like we'd like to share ours. They freely and readily admit that what they have is a rarity and they do not recommend it for all. The fact that they share their story is being questioned here as if it was some bad move against all gay people, which simply is not the case. They have an experience, they find joy and happiness in it, they have the right to share that. And I applaud them for it.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Sure, many will indeed use this story as a means of htting the rest of us over the head with comments like, "If they can do it, so can you." Or "Why can't you be that righteous?" Etc. You can all think of the comments we've all heard before. But those will come, and we get to determine how we'll respond to them. Are we seriously pissed off because Ty and Danielle are "causing" more negative comments directed toward those of us who don't/can't choose that path? Seriously ... we're all smarter than that. They're sharing their story, and what people come up with after reading it is really the readers' thing, not Ty's or Danielle's.<br /> <br />It feels like you'd all rather silence them rather than allow them the same equality and publicity that you'd like same-sex couples to have. They have an experience to tell about and they have every right to tell it. It doesn't match my experience, it doesn't match the experience of many MoMs I know, but it does match the experience of some I do know. Because it's rare, it shouldn't be told? Maybe that's exactly why it should be ....<br /> <br />You don't have to agree with someone's choice for it to be a worthwhile story."</i></blockquote>
And then of course Scott has such a way with words and saying exactly what needs to be said.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"I haven't read the article, but on another thread Ty said that he and Danielle tried to make it clear that their path isn't for everyone (and they wrote the article themselves, it wasn't written about them by someone else). Assuming that's true, it would be inaccurate to say that the article espouses MOMs as the only way to go.</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>BUT, the fact is that this pseudo-official church magazine IS highlighting a "successful" MOM without (from all I've heard—again, I haven't actually read the article) providing a counter-example.</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I'm realistic. I don't expect an LDS-positive magazine to trumpet the dismal statistics of MOMs. But I do think that it's irresponsible of them to run a story like this.<br />I'm less concerned about people judging ME for MY choices (though I don't doubt that some of my family might use this article as support for their judgment). I've actually gotten really good at not caring about that sort of thing.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>What I AM concerned about is the young Mormon man who is "struggling with same-gender attraction". He hears in church every week how important marriage is. How it's the only way to be happy. How central it is to the plan of salvation. He believes those things, and he wants desperately to be married. Perhaps he even believes that marriage will "cure" him, and it's even possible that he's been told by his priesthood leaders that this is the case (yes, I've heard of people being told this even though the church itself explicitly discourages marriage as a "cure").</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>If this young man doesn't know of any successful MOMs, he might second-guess his desire to be married, and he would be wise to do so.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>But if he sees in a semi-official church magazine that the Mansfields have DONE IT! his hope is kindled, and he makes marriage his goal.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I know this is what will happen, because when my blog was active and Sarah and I were together and trying to find a way to make things work, WE were the ones who were seen as having cracked the cipher and made a MOM work. I had at least a dozen young men email me, hoping to learn the secret so that they, too, could find a woman and marry her and have a family and make it to the celestial kingdom.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I always tried to dissuade them from their dream of marriage. But had I allowed myself to be seen as an example, I believe I could rightly be blamed (to an extent, at least) if these young men married and, a dozen years and four kids later, decided that they couldn't take it any more.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I think that LDS Living can similarly be held accountable to some extent for tomorrow's failed MOMs.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Can a MOM succeed? I believe it can, if the right people are willing to sacrifice enough (every single day for the rest of their lives) to make it happen.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Is a MOM *likely* to succeed, even with the best of intentions? No. The burden of the aforementioned sacrifice is impossible to estimate, especially for a young man so desperate to do the "right" thing, and no matter how fervently he believes he's up to the challenge, statistics prove that most ultimately can't sustain the effort forever (or even "til death do us part").</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>That's why I believe it's irresponsible to hold any "successful" MOM up for public adulation.<br /> <br />I support my friends who have chosen to marry and to work to make that marriage successful. I would never counsel a MOM couple to divorce (at least on the basis of orientation). I'm happy to do all I can to honor and respect their decision and their relationship. I don't actually know Ty and Danielle personally, but I'm completely willing to believe that they are happy with the choices they've made, and I think that's beautiful—as long as they don't position themselves (or use the position they are already in, due to Ty's semi-celebrity status among gay Mormons) as an example that anyone could emulate.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>And I will also vehemently discourage a single gay man from marrying a woman (or a single gay woman to marry a man), and I will continue to discourage them until they change their minds or until the "I do"s have been said. Because I know (from my own experience and from that of literally hundreds of formerly married gay men I know personally) that they are setting themselves up for, AT BEST, a life of challenge that far outweighs what a typical married couple faces."</i></blockquote>
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From the mother of a gay son:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"When I was first "investigating" this topic and was told by my bishop that many gay LDS men were in traditional marriages successsfully I said, "If that's true, then why aren't they standing at the pulpit, trumpeting their success?". I guess here is my first couple doing just that. Had I seen this article at the time, I would have waved it in front of the face of my son and told him that he too, could "change". So, I fear this is what will happen to many young people in the weeks to come. Yes, I believe it's possible to have a successful MOM marriage, but not probable. The general public does not understand how the Kinsey scale would come into play here."</i></blockquote>
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My view? I am concerned by their motives. I think it is definitely their right to share their story just as it is my right to share mine. I am unhappy with Deseret Book for putting it on the cover, unless they also plan to give equal time to a divorced couple too (maybe one where they are still both active in the church but decided it best for them not to stay together). And as expected, many of my single gay friends have been bombarded by family sharing the magazine as evidence and hope that they can fully live the gospel plan in a heterosexual relationship. I hope Ty and Danielle are not doing this for their own publicity or for the praise of church leaders, but rather just to give voice to an otherwise taboo subject among many LDS members.<br />
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The next phase of the discussion came from a popular blog called <a href="http://feministmormonhousewives.org/" target="_blank">Feminist Mormon Housewives</a>. On May 4 they started a weekly series called "A look inside your neighbor's window." Although I don't yet know everyone who has submitted their stories, several of them are close friends in my straight spouse group. I believe that my own story will be<a href="http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2012/06/a-look-inside-your-neighbors-window-fairy-tale-gone-awry/" target="_blank"> published there tomorrow</a>. I'm excited to share my story, but I'm also nervous for the potential comments and discussion on the post. <br />
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The most momentous event in this MOM hype came with the publication from a blog called "The Weed". This post from Josh Weed and his wife Lolly titled <a href="http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html" target="_blank">"Club Unicorn: In which I come out of the closet on our ten year anniversary"</a> went viral on the Internet within a few days.<br />
<br />
When I finally found time to read the whole thing, I was actually pretty impressed. One of the first things I liked a lot was his use of the word "gay" and clarifying that for him, he used the word interchangeably with "homosexual" or "same-sex attraction." So many members of the church are stuck on thinking that the word gay means living the gay lifestyle, which to them also means sin. It is frustrating to have a conversation with a bishop or brother-in-law that refuses to use anything but "same sex attraction", as though the individual is suffering from a chronic disease.<br />
<br />
The next thing that I remembered that I really liked was his personal story of the bullying he endured in junior high. I hated that he went through it, but I liked that he shared this with thousands of people who might not understand just how difficult it is to be an obviously gay kid in junior high and high school.<br />
<br />
I also enjoyed hearing about how he was accepted and loved by his parents regardless of his sexuality and coming out to them.<br />
<br />
And I really appreciated his thorough disclaimer of mentioning that living a heterosexual married life is not for most people in his situation.<br />
<br />
These were my thoughts as I remember them (since I haven't re-read the post), but I mostly kept them to myself as I watched Facebook explode with posting, sharing and commenting about this blog post. Some of my Facebook friends that never post anything gay-related, nor comment on my gay-related posts were sharing this link and singing its praises. I began to hear stories of friends and family posting it on the Facebook walls or timelines of gay loved ones, as an example of how to be gay and continue to live the gospel plan. One of my straight spouse friends was angry because a friend posted it on her wall. She had this to say in our private Facebook group:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"I had a "friend" post it to my wall in my regular facebook! I keep asking myself why she would want to hurt me so much!!! I have told my ex that he is the one that should share with people when and if he wants. I will not out him unless he gives me permission. NOW all my regular facebook friends that saw the post to my wall knows the reason he and I divorced. He keeps saying, "It is what it is." I guess it is but that doesn't make it any easier when you are not ready to address everyone's questions!"</i></blockquote>
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Another dear single gay friend posted this comment to his wall:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"I have a question, I am playing devil's advocate and I hope not to offend anyone, but I have been thinking about this post all day and so I had to respond after many of my straight Mormon friends have posted this article. I read the article and all I can think is good for them, but what makes a same sex couples story of commitment and love any less amazing. Just this weekend I met my friend Benny's boyfriend for the first time and heard the story of how they met. It was incredibly romantic and uplifting. I could see the love that they had for each other. It was so beautiful.</i> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>But that is just one journey. There are those who decide to marry a woman and those who don't, but I think all choices are right for the individual. I just feel like this article and the comments on many postings (while it is working for them) makes it seem like this is the path that all should strive for, and I do not believe that this is the case. I am happy where I am and know I could never have married a woman. I am not married to a man either (yet) but I hope my Mormon friends and family would support that union of love and devotion as much as they have been towards this couple or any heterosexual couple."</i></blockquote>
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I read the discussion and added my thoughts from doing so:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Scott and I made it 14 years with what I considered to be a really good relationship, and one of those years past his "coming out." Scott and I really publicized our success that first year on our blogs. I really hoped it would last forever. But things change. Maybe they will change for Josh, maybe not."</i></blockquote>
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Then a comment from the mother of a gay son that I quoted previously in this post:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"When [my son] first came out and I was talking to my bishop, he commented that there were many men in mixed orientation marriages and that it was possible for [my son]. I got very frustrated and asked him if that was true, why weren't those men up at the pulpit proclaiming their accomplishment? So, I guess this is one guy who is answering my prayer, but about 6 yrs too late! Thank goodness for that, as I might have missed being mom-in-law to [a] terrific [son-in-law]!"</i></blockquote>
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Scott decided to write up<a href="http://scottnic.tumblr.com/post/24884922127/response-to-weed" target="_blank"> his own response</a> because he was so frustrated with these same issues with straight Mormon families and friends:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"This post has been going the rounds the last few days, and I’ve seen a wide gamut of reactions. Here’s mine:</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I’m gay, and I was married to a woman for fifteen years. I was happy. I loved her. I STILL love her. But ultimately we (mostly I, but with her support) decided that it wasn’t enough for me to be with someone I loved—I wanted to be with someone I am actually IN LOVE with, on every level. That simply isn’t possible with a woman.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Since we separated I’ve been happier, more fulfilled, more complete, and more ME than I ever was with her. And she will acknowledge that since we separated she has gained a great deal of strength and independence that has been good for her.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>She struggles with the separation more than I do, because she WAS (is?) in love with me, in a way that I could never return. We are both hopeful that one day she will heal enough to find someone who is IN LOVE with her (something I could never give her), because she is amazing and she deserves it.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>There is a temptation among active Latter-day Saints to point to stories like this one and say “See? It’s possible” (with the implied—but hopefully unspoken—”…and if you can’t do this, you just aren’t trying hard enough, aren’t faithful enough, etc.”)</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Please don’t.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>For one thing, for every story like this there are ten stories like mine. And for every story like mine (in which my ex and I have been able to remain friends, remain supportive, continue to co-parent the kids, etc.) there are a hundred stories that ended in bitterness, venom, drawn out custody battles, and a great deal of misery.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>The fact that this couple has managed to stay together happily for ten years means NOTHING to anyone else. They are individuals. They are unique. Even their RELATIONSHIP is unique, since they have known each other since they were toddlers and been best friends for decades. If they happen to have hit on the right combination of friendship and self-denial and faith and conviction and bisexuality and sacrifice, that’s *fabulous* for them. But nobody else is them, and nobody else should be expected to follow the exact pattern of their lives.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Mr. Weed even says this himself in the post. Of everything he writes this, I believe, is the MOST important bit:</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>“I want to make it very clear that while I have found a path that brings me profound joy and that is the right path for me, I don’t endorse this as the only path for somebody who is gay and religious. I will never, ever judge somebody else’s path as being “incorrect” and I know many people who have chosen different paths than myself.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>… If you know and love somebody who is gay and LDS (or Christian), your job is to love and nothing more. Let go of your impulse to correct them or control them or propel them down the path you think is right for them. Do what you need to do to move past that impulse. Do not condemn the choices your loved one makes. Love. Only love. Show your love in word and deed. Embrace them, both literally and figuratively. I promise they need it—and they need to feel like they can figure out this part of themselves in a safe way without ridicule and judgment. It’s what Christ would do. It’s what your loved one needs. Accept them. Love them. Genuinely and totally.”</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Even posting this article on a gay friend’s wall is a step beyond love into correction or coercion or control. Please don’t go any further than that.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>You may have beliefs about homosexuality that you feel strongly about. That’s wonderful, and if you derive value from the belief system that you subscribe to then please continue to believe and have faith.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>But nobody else is you, and despite how ABSOLUTELY right YOU feel your beliefs are, at the end of the day they are ONLY beliefs. They have been “proven” to you by a very personal, subjective, and intimate experience, and they are yours alone. Please allow others the privilege of their own personal, subjective, and intimate beliefs, so long as their beliefs do not attempt to infringe on yours."</i></blockquote>
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In the midst of all of this, one of my straight spouse friends has another friend that<a href="http://cedarpocket.wordpress.com/2012/06/13/in-which-i-feel-compelled-to-start-a-blog-because-of-a-club-and-a-unicorn/http://cedarpocket.wordpress.com/2012/06/13/in-which-i-feel-compelled-to-start-a-blog-because-of-a-club-and-a-unicorn/" target="_blank"> started a blog</a> just to respond to the viral response to "The Weed". She shared it with our private group right after it was posted and I immediately shared it on my Facebook wall. This was late one night this week, and by morning, gay friends were posting links to this new blog all over the place. I'm pretty sure it is not going to get the same attention that the other post did, but it is still getting a lot of hits and comments and keeping the conversation going among many.<br />
<br />
She wrote the response that needed to be written, the response that was in my heart and that of my straight spouse friends. I related completely to her story, other than the fact that she knew her ex husband was gay before they married. She has come to about the same place I have as she and her ex are good friends and she is not really active in the church any more. <br />
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Some are taking her story (and those of us that are sharing it) as criticism of Josh Weed and his post. That is not my intent. I still really recognize the value of Josh's story and am glad he shared it. But the other side of the story must be told and listened to.<br />
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And that is why I interviewed with <a href="http://farbetweenmovie.com/" target="_blank">Kendall Wilcox last week for his "Far Between" documentary</a>.<br />
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And that is why I am sharing my story on Feminist Mormon Housewives.<br />
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And that is why I am talking to Salt Lake Tribune reporter Peggy Fletcher Stack this coming week.<br />
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Our stories must be heard and some of us are going to keep telling them and telling them and telling them so that we can make a difference for one family or one gay child or one potential straight spouse. One at a time.<br />
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We can make a difference. And we will.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-27445806080523784102012-06-11T23:32:00.000-06:002012-06-21T23:35:55.290-06:00Revelation<i>Is revelation a call to obedience, or a gift of God's love?</i><br />
<br />
With the onset of summer break came the courage for me to attend some LDS church meetings yesterday. During the school year, a bad Sunday carries over to a miserable Monday--I call it an emotional hangover. But any resulting stress from Sunday is easier to handle on Monday if I don't have to face classrooms full of teenagers while still distraught.<br />
<br />
I actually intended to attend my entire three hour block of church--something I haven't done for nearly a year. But then I found out that one of my dear straight spouse friends was teaching a lesson on revelation in her relief society meeting at the same time as my sacrament meeting, so I decided to go there instead.<br />
<br />
My friend focused on personal revelation, and had mentioned that while preparing the lesson that she felt she should focus on God's love.<br />
<br />
A few days earlier some of us on an online straight spouse support group were discussing the challenge of reconciling our personal revelation and views on homosexuality with church "doctrine". One incredibly wise and spiritual woman among us shared her beautiful thoughts: <br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I felt really caught in the middle for a long time: President Packer and others so sure their revelation was correct, my gay husband having such immense spiritual experiences when he FINALLY got the courage to ask God if he were even loved, and then if it is okay to be gay. Both men asking opposite questions and coming away positive they are correct. When I finally pleaded with my Heavenly Father, telling him I didn't know...I had absolutely no idea which idea was correct, I felt an outpouring of love. My answer was simply "I love you, it will be okay". And I knew that was true. I really think that maybe some pray, so convinced of what the answer will be before they even ask the question, that God simply says "I love you" and that amazing feeling is interpreted as a definitive answer that "I am right". This is my favorite quote from Elder Uctdorf, and I think it hits the nail on the head:<br /> <br />"Brothers and sisters, as good as our previous experience may be, if we stop asking questions, stop thinking, stop pondering, we can thwart the revelations of the Spirit. Remember, it was the questions young Joseph asked that opened the door for the restoration of all things. We can block the growth and knowledge our Heavenly Father intends for us. How often has the Holy Spirit tried to tell us something we needed to know but couldn’t get past the massive iron gate of what we thought we already knew?" <a href="http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/worldwide-leadership-training/2012/01/acting-on-the-truths-of-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng">DIETER F. UCHTDORF</a><br /> <br />I think that it is important that we move forward, based on the dictates of our conscience. As we move, as we continue to search and pray, we come to slowly understand more and more the mind of God. It is a journey. We may not have the complete answers in our lifetime, but if we act on what we truly feel is right and good, we will be okay. It is as I move forward that I become more convinced that I am doing what is best for me and my family. When I first start on any given path, I'm not sure. As I move forward, I either go....ummm....yea, this isn't feeling right. So I move in a different direction, until what I'm doing feels right. Then I move full speed ahead! I am sure my understanding of homosexuality will change over time and my ideas will become more fully developed and closer to the truth. And that is okay. It is part of life. Do I have very strong convictions and beliefs on homosexuality YES. Do they differ from those of respected church leaders? In some instances yes, in others, who knows? I do think that we are on the brink of further revelation. All the wonderful strides that are being made in the world to accept and love each other are setting the foundation. I hope to help others start to think and to question so that we may be ready as the changes come.</i></blockquote>
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Back to my friend's lesson. Toward the beginning there were some comments made regarding leaders receiving revelation for us and our role to be obedient to them. I felt myself becoming obstinate and angry. This is my most common inner reaction any time I attend church meetings, and that is why I go so seldom. I frequently feel angry and tense. But as the lesson went on, my attitude softened, and by the end I was feeling a need for my own love and patience with church leaders and members.<br />
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For most of the lesson my friend was the facilitator, asking for a few quotes or scriptures to be read and then asking the reader what they thought. Personal experiences were shared and I gained some insight. She mentioned to me later that it had been a really hard lesson for her to prepare, so she really needed the comments from the class to teach the lesson. And they did.<br />
<br />
One sister spoke of praying regarding doubts to marrying her fiancé, and she asked for a black and white answer. She felt God's love for her when she happened to see some texts on her fiance's phone in black and white, and she knew that was her answer to breaking the engagement. I couldn't help but remember my own doubts when I was engaged to Scott. I've blogged about this long ago, but I don't think it was a strong black-and-white prompting. Rather, I think of it more as God's sadness in knowing the difficult yet important journey of which I was about to embark.<br />
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Another sister spoke of the scripture from the <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/29?lang=eng">Book of Mormon where Alma says</a><i> "O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!"</i> but then he realizes that God is in charge. People must be ready to hear the message, and God knows when that is. I've always thought of this scripture in terms of missionary work, but this time I personally took it with my own desire for gay rights activism, and a message from God to me to be patient. I felt the same message again at an LGBTQ church-approved fireside last night when the brother giving the closing prayer specifically asked that we might be blessed with patience for our leaders and family members. It must have been something I needed to hear.<br />
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Another comment was made regarding revelation and spirituality that made me think; someone said, "what we put into it is what we get out of it". I am really struggling with the direction the kids and I should go with regards to church attendance, but I have also become lax in the things that will help me be able to receive that revelation, like prayer and scripture study. I guess I need to decide how serious I am about getting an answer. Maybe I don't really want an answer right now. Maybe I just want to enjoy my break a bit longer, and so putting the effort in might mean getting an answer out that I am not yet ready to hear. I'm afraid of it regardless of whether it is to stay in the church or to leave it. Both solutions terrify me.<br />
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Needless to say, I left the first meeting uplifted and ready to attend another. I called the kids at home and said that whoever was willing to go to church with me should get ready because I would be home soon.<br />
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My daughter and toddler came with me (can you believe he is almost 2!?) and he attended the nursery for the first time ever. :)<br />
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As I approached the relief society room, men that were leaving Sunday school extended quick but heartfelt hello's and big smiles. One man asked, "Come back to visit, huh?" I thought he was teasing me, when he in fact was under the impression I had moved because he hadn't seen me for so long. When he found that out, his insistence that I not be inactive gave me that same stubborn, chip-on-my-shoulder feeling again that had dissipated so nicely during the previous hour. I thought about all the times that as a true-believing-Mormon I had done the same, probably over welcoming less active members when they did come, and I felt a little bit bad about it, but also a little bit more patient with the members for their good intentions. I wanted to just sit in the back and blend into the woodwork. A friend reminded me that I would have to come on a regular basis again for that to happen, LOL.<br />
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Sit in the back I did, with some very good friends with which I could banter and mutter under my breath to ease my anxiety. The teacher began handing out quotes to be read, and told us she was starting at the back because she usually always starts at the front. I looked at my quote and dread came over me. I seriously considered leaving. The quote was about the prophet receiving revelation and our requirement to sustain and obey and not be judgmental of him and his words. I asked the teacher if it was okay for me to read something I didn't believe, and she said she hoped I believed it, but I muttered something and gave her a look to indicate that I really wasn't sure that I did. Then my friend next to me showed me the quote she was to read, and I was grateful I had the one I did and not hers, which said:<i> We have had misguided souls in the Church who have, in their ignorance, opposed the advice of the [President of the Church], not sensing the fact that they were opposing the Lord and they have fallen into darkness and sorrow, and unless they repent they will not find a place in the celestial kingdom.</i> Ug. Then my friend opened her lesson manual and I was shocked to see the title and know that it was the<a href="http://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-george-albert-smith/chapter-11?lang=eng"> same lesson I had attended that morning</a> in my friend's ward.<br />
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I read my quote and listened to the other quotes be read and I distracted myself by texting my friend and searching for President Uchtdorf's quote on Facebook. The discussion went on in the background: our leaders receive revelation for us from God. We are required to follow them. We do not get to pick and choose what we believe. We can receive revelation for ourselves and our families/children, but not for our ward or for the church.<br />
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I was determined that when the topic changed from leaders to personal revelation, that I would raise my hand and share President Uchtdorf's quote. At least I hoped the lesson would go there, and finally it did. And I raised my hand, and I shared and a lovely discussion ensued. The relief society president leaned toward me from a nearby row and asked me to send the quote by Facebook message to her later.<br />
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One of the most memorable comments was from a sister regarding her daughter's rocky marriage. She said she prayed for the marriage to be saved and left intact; for the conflicts to go away. But she was always left with a "stupor of thought." Finally she figured out that it was none of her business, and worded her prayers differently. After the lesson I thanked her for her comment and shared my own similar experience, just a feeling I've had with regards to prayers for me.<br />
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At the peak of my struggle with attending church a few months ago, I was so conflicted. As you know, going to church made me miserable and panicky, but staying home I felt guilty. One time when my mother-in-law mentioned that they always pray for me and Scott and the kids, something occurred to me. I thanked her graciously but then asked she be sure she was praying for us to find peace and make the right decisions for our family, rather than praying for us to go back to our regular church attendance. She didn't comment, but staying home and finding peace in my journey seemed easier after that. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but I don't think so.<br />
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After church I didn't feel the usual burden and I didn't think I was going to have to deal with an "emotional hangover" today. Yay! I posted the following on facebook:<br />
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<i>It was interesting to go to the same relief society lesson on revelation twice today, taught by two different people. It was really like two completely different lessons. One was in my ward and focused a lot on following our leaders and the revelation they receive. The other was taught by a straight spouse friend of mine and focused on personal revelation and feeling God's love. I learned from both of them--not necessarily the message of the lesson itself, but more from comments and personal experiences. I do not regret attending either of them. It was so good to see friends that I don't see otherwise in my own ward.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
The day ended with a wonderful fireside and conversations with fabulous LGBTQ and Mormon ally friends. Not sure what I will do about church next week, but it was an amazing and peaceful step for me yesterday. I was able to endure what could have been a devastating lesson and instead keep confidence in my own beliefs and in my own personal revelation. I am grateful for the experience, and extremely grateful for good friends, or angels, that God has placed in my path.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972661907029038524.post-45908897260278068802012-06-05T00:58:00.000-06:002012-06-22T00:10:39.243-06:00PrideI survived the last week of school, pride weekend, and my daughter's sixteenth birthday today. In another month I will have survived being a single mother of five for an entire year!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLaMt6DBOhyphenhyphencu2JX0DhksOebwk38w4VajJnvo5Na3W6VIV1_vbgDEur4HKZpfaHG4nxtVnKGDTZWt9nbEZ__UHZ-UzQzloE5X7N3Ru-JZ58qcANO6nSSh5I5EGtwlWYnyF5Z9fP1xbnb0/s1600/spouses+pride+2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLaMt6DBOhyphenhyphencu2JX0DhksOebwk38w4VajJnvo5Na3W6VIV1_vbgDEur4HKZpfaHG4nxtVnKGDTZWt9nbEZ__UHZ-UzQzloE5X7N3Ru-JZ58qcANO6nSSh5I5EGtwlWYnyF5Z9fP1xbnb0/s200/spouses+pride+2012.jpg" width="200" /></a>Pride was amazing this year for several reasons. First, it was incredible to have other straight spouse friends walking beside me at both the festival and in the parade. Second, it was a day that will go down in history for the Salt Lake Gay Pride celebration as a huge group of LDS members dressed in their Sunday clothes, not to attend church as usual, but instead to walk together at the front of the pride parade, sending messages of love for all of God's children. It proved to be an amazing spiritual and emotional experience for those marching as well as those watching, and attracted all sorts of media attention.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCIHL9ZE3Kvj2nJwrxUI7WD-AK4-3T4KS_AOcDfAqQRXXKJxxofUtRNsx280i1Et9hundweqd6Dv5gSQr60kQD7Gh4lpFuIy45IFkYnDdvTWMlEeU2BDUpWCWAx2yL-vflNzkSXSc-8PU/s1600/composite.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCIHL9ZE3Kvj2nJwrxUI7WD-AK4-3T4KS_AOcDfAqQRXXKJxxofUtRNsx280i1Et9hundweqd6Dv5gSQr60kQD7Gh4lpFuIy45IFkYnDdvTWMlEeU2BDUpWCWAx2yL-vflNzkSXSc-8PU/s200/composite.jpg" width="200" /></a>For me, it was just happy. I enjoyed reading of the experiences on Facebook, both from the LDS group as well as from my straight spouse friends. I enjoyed being with my family, happy that Scott and I have found peace and friendship in our separation and relationship with each other as well as with the kids. I especially marveled at the gratitude I felt from some of the gay fathers as they saw me and my friends supporting each other and supporting our gay loved ones, even though many of us are or will soon be ex-spouses. We have started an important network of straight spouses that has much work to do as we reach out to others and encourage a positive journey of growth for us and our children. Last night as I spoke with fathers and spouses at a family BBQ that ended our pride celebration, I felt a confirmation that we are truly doing God's work with these organizations.<br />
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Just for fun, I decided to go back through my blog to posts that I wrote about my experiences with the Pride celebration over the past three years. I've also included photos from each year, and am amazed at how my children have grown. I am so proud of each of them and the choices they are making in their lives. I continue to be a little bit concerned about our journeys not including the church at this time, and I don't know where we are going with that decision, but there has definitely been peace for all of us in taking a break.<br />
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<b>PRIDE 2009</b><br />
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<a href="http://serendipitystr8wife.blogspot.com/2009/06/ctl-choose-to-love.html">CTL--Choose to Love</a><br />
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Scott came out in July 2008, so June 2009 was our first awareness of the Pride celebration and any desire to observe or participate in it. I wrote in this post of the guilt I felt from deciding to attend the parade as a family with Scott instead of going to church. But then as I chose a hymn to be sung in Relief Society in my absence, aligning it with the topic of "obedience", the words of hymn #237, "Do What is Right" spoke to my heart. I wrote:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>My guilty feeling lifted as I felt the words of the song talking to me. Don't worry about the consequence of going in the morning when the day-dawn is breaking (and missing church); instead, fight for freedom, be faithful and fearless, and accept the fact that God is leading us, protecting us, and blessing us in our quest.</i></blockquote>
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<i>After sitting through heavy rain for an hour or more during the parade, and then wandering through endless booths, our feet hurt, we were wet and cold and hungry and tired, and yet our oldest son said, "This was the best Sunday ever!"
Oh dear, what am I teaching my children? :)
I hope they are learning to love.</i></blockquote>
<b>PRIDE 2010</b><br />
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<a href="http://serendipitystr8wife.blogspot.com/2010/06/bring-it-on.html">Bring it on</a><br />
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For this particular Pride event, I was eight+ months pregnant, and our oldest son had his appendix removed just a week or so before. In addition, the last few months had been emotionally taxing for me as it was evident that Scott was most likely unable to continue our marriage relationship. He had begun clubbing and dating and drinking, and so with all of these changes combined with a physically miserable pregnancy, I often found myself hopelessly wishing I could just be relieved from this mortal hell. Pride was apparently one of my better days:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6vqXPS2HoNFvdg6bSMy9x6yUXn0FHCoYqGyefGNSNSloE9-7WpVwDq_sZm5CX18u7n0S0oW4lEj3YKIsqnk8EEJM5TKm2pBZuqmILvSeneJfraUZeClFFF2LeEi9WM-bFDWs9pB91nqg/s1600/kids-in-parade-pride-2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6vqXPS2HoNFvdg6bSMy9x6yUXn0FHCoYqGyefGNSNSloE9-7WpVwDq_sZm5CX18u7n0S0oW4lEj3YKIsqnk8EEJM5TKm2pBZuqmILvSeneJfraUZeClFFF2LeEi9WM-bFDWs9pB91nqg/s200/kids-in-parade-pride-2010.jpg" width="200" /></a><i>The Pride festival today was hot, but fun, and it was exciting to see the students in the GSA club at my school, along with the club from a neighboring school (and my own children) march in the parade with Equality Utah. By the time we were done wandering the festival, however, my daughter and I were almost wishing it was rainy and cold like last year. :) Scott and I splurged on rainbow tie-dye shirts for the kids that match the ones he and I bought last year, so our family was just adorable everywhere we went today! (We even got a onesie for the upcoming kid to wear next year. :) Scott and I traded shirts, since I have gained a lot of size out front, and he has lost a bit this past year and is wearing a shirt size smaller. </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbSfldyvs1XOVba2RMwWzgtmjfjnRgQgwYgDwA7v5u2_dGb6Wx9oKJj5DVx4ZhU1MBon-OamKAq4AAWSp6EdCgGzBvJkmYT4rsxpuesUX03oMCuLCg5A-ux94uPbPB4UL1c7vQxmjykDo/s1600/kids-pride-2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="93" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbSfldyvs1XOVba2RMwWzgtmjfjnRgQgwYgDwA7v5u2_dGb6Wx9oKJj5DVx4ZhU1MBon-OamKAq4AAWSp6EdCgGzBvJkmYT4rsxpuesUX03oMCuLCg5A-ux94uPbPB4UL1c7vQxmjykDo/s200/kids-pride-2010.jpg" width="200" /></a><i>For the most part I am happy and well. I appreciate all of my friends. I appreciate that my eyes and heart have been opened to the gay part of the world. I appreciate my blog readers, the prayers, the emails, the realization that we have this amazing thing called the internet to find each other across the world and offer support to each other and know that we are not alone in what we face. To all of you readers out there that have/are/or will face what I am (or worse!), my heart is full and I wish you the best and pray for you. I wish for you to have the support of family and friends, to stay friends with your gay spouse, to feel the arms of your Heavenly Father around you, carrying you through, regardless of whether or not you stay active in the church.
So bring it on. With God's help we can make the best out of what life gives us.
Happy Pride day, happy Sabbath, and God bless! </i></blockquote>
<b>PRIDE 2011</b><br />
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<a href="http://serendipitystr8wife.blogspot.com/2011/06/troubled.html">Troubled</a><br />
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Pride last year came at a time when I was apparently really struggling with church. I was attending, but not enjoying my attendance. I was going through the motions, trying to do what I was supposed to do, but not really feeling anything. A recent <a href="http://mohohawaii.blogspot.com/2011/06/lds-message-for-pride.html">article</a> had come out in the LDS magazine called the <i>Ensign</i>, and it seemed that it had been written with the gay marriage battle in mind just in time for the June gay pride celebrations around the country. I wrote this the Sunday following pride:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>...but today I really struggled with being at church. I tried to seek the spirit in prayer, specifically during the Sacrament ordinance. But I felt nothing, and my mind wandered to the experience of our third pride celebration last Sunday as we walked in the parade with the Utah Gay Father's Association. The euphoria and chills I experienced as the crowds of people along the parade route cheered on the fathers (some with, some without their children) was much more powerful than the "nothing" I felt at church today, and I desperately wanted to feel something. Where is my testimony going?</i></blockquote>
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08765524620705643823noreply@blogger.com1