Friday, February 19, 2010

Confused, as usual

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you

Certainties disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?


Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away


You must love me
You must love me

Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed


You must love me
(From Evita)

I have no idea what I really feel or believe any more. I think I've got it figured out, that the give and take are worth it, I feel peace for the most part, and am happy that he is happy; and then someone tries to convince me otherwise, that I am deceived, and I start to doubt myself.  Then I say things I'm not sure I really mean, things someone has convinced me are the way I really feel, and he is not happy and I'm not happy.  And then the cycle starts all over again.

Damn blogs. I love our blogs, I hate our blogs. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Where do I go from here?


Rebecca said...

Rarotonga. That's where you should go. And I'm coming with you...can you be ready in 20?

Daniel said...

My advice is to take some decisions and some events off the Internet. I don't think you or Scott need to be disclosing everything to a public that doesn't know what's best for you but thinks it does, myself included.


Philip said...


Listen to your intuition.

Experts sometimes get it wrong. People with your best interest at heart sometimes get it wrong.

But, if your intuition is like my intuition, it's like a moral compass that will point you in the right direction. Maybe not the easiest direction but the right direction for you.


darkdrearywilderness said...

Ditto what Daniel said. Only you know what's best for you. Just because something is wrong for one person doesn't mean it's wrong for you. Everyone's path is different.

Jenz said...

i love Evita! Fav of all time!

The sooner you get over caring what others think, the better off you will be. Make the decision that if you blog about it -- you have to be ready for what the masses may say...but just let it go in one ear and out the other. Do not dwell on it.

Your relationship with Scott is a two way street. It only matters what the two of you think about your marriage.