Vessel in God's Hands

"Your Father in Heaven recognizes you as a virtuous daughter of Zion, qualified to touch the hearts of others. He recognizes you as a vessel through whom He can perform his labors, through whom He can touch others to answer their prayers."

Never have I felt a fulfillment of my patriarchal blessing as strongly as I have tonight. It is so late, and I must get up so early, but I have to put my thoughts of gratitude to God down in writing right now.

I had a mostly down day today. It didn't start out too bad, just remnants of frustrating thoughts from spending the previous evening with Scott's family. Then an email came from Scott that posed a wonderful opportunity to let our voice be heard, but which made me both excited and extremely nervous. As many thoughts went through my head, I began to again second-guess personal revelation that I have received from God regarding gay marriage. I began to feel evil, deceived, apostate. I came home from work and read an email on a mailing list I subscribe to that made it worse.

Scott wasn't home to talk to and get my feelings off my chest, so I chatted with a friend to find comfort, discovering that he had been going through many of the same struggles today. (Or I guess at this point in time writing this post, yesterday. :) I hoped I would feel better from the comfort I felt in the chat and reading some blogs, but as the evening went on, I felt worse and worse. I thought that if another of our friends came over, then I would feel better. This friend also had a tough day, so he just wanted to stay home and wallow. Scott managed to convince him that visiting us would help him feel better, too.

As I listened to his struggles that day, which were a direct result of the struggles that the other friend was having, a major thought struck me. I realized that maybe the reason that I had been struggling so much is that God had a mission for me today, and in order to do it, I had to completely understand what this first friend was feeling and going through. I shared that thought with the friend that was in our home, and he told me that I should email and tell him.

So, as the evening went on, I left the conversation with Scott and friend 2 to go email friend 1. Friend 1 then responded to a text that friend 2 sent to friend 1, saying that he was feeling pretty mediocre until he received an email from me.

Wow, the spirit pulsed through me, and peace filled my soul. God was able to use me to help some of his precious children. I don't understand why I have been blessed with this opportunity. I am grateful for the struggle I went through today, and it has filled me with more peace regarding God's answers to me than I have ever felt. The roller coaster ride called life continues, but the highs keep getting higher, and I know without a doubt that God is pleased with what is in my heart and is therefore allowing me to serve others in his behalf.

I will try not to question God's purposes for me the next time I have a bad day. I will gladly go through the pain that I might more fully experience His peace and love when the trial is over.