Sunday, December 11, 2011

Holy Socks

As I was folding laundry yesterday, I had two piles of socks in addition to the matched and folded ones. One was a pile that had no matches and the other was ones with huge holes in them. As I finished with the project, I picked up the "lost socks" and took them to a basket in the laundry room that we affectionately call "lost sock heaven." There they sit in peace and tranquility, waiting for their lost mate to be found, sometimes re-joining them so that they can get back to the purpose for which they were created. Once in a while, a sock that has been in heaven for a long time gets put to use elsewhere, being filled with rice to serve as a heating pad on someone's arm after a flu shot, or transforming into a sock puppet to delight a child.

I picked up the pile of holy socks and thrust them down into the garbage. Some of them still had mates that were also holy, others lonely but too holy to go to"heaven". Many in the past have gone to my school, been used as white-board erasers and then thrown away.

I suddenly found irony in the fact the single socks were going to heaven and the holy socks were not.

Is there any analogy here in "holy" socks verses lonely socks? Maybe it's just me being silly after a long day of household chores. Or maybe it could be something more than that... ;)


Anonymous said...

Just curious, but does Scott ever help you out with your busy life as a teacher and mother of 5. You seem to always be tired and worn out. I see and hear a lot about all the fun places he eats and drinks coffee or the clubs he goes to. Does it bother you to hear about him relaxing at home enjoying a bottle of wine? How present is he as a father and helper for your large family?

Sarah said...

Scott helps. Not as much as I'd like him to, but as much as he can. I was always tired before he moved out. We are both tired and worn out most of the time. I can't help but think it would be easier if he still lived in the basement, or that the rent he is paying could go toward finishing a proper private living space in the basement. But there were reasons that we needed to be appart for a while. And I think we are both afraid if he moved back in, we would not get along again. I think (he hasn't actually said this) that one of many reasons he likes having his own space is access to alcohol that I would not permit him to have in our home. I don't know what the answer is to making this work--but I worry that I will end up in a mental hospital before too long unless I figure out how to better handle my life.

Anonymous said...

So how are you dealing with that then? Are there some kind of changes in the works? It's a long time until summer break. By the way, are you divorced or just separated?

Scott N said...

Just curious, but does Scott ever help you out with your busy life as a teacher and mother of 5.

Just curious, but who are you that this is any of your business?

You don't hide your bias very well. You obviously believe I'm a deadbeat dad, off having the time of my life while Sarah and the kids suffer. And you're obviously a Facebook "friend" if you know as much as you do about my personal life.

Of course, you really don't know much at all, do you? Certainly not enough to be as judgmental as you obviously are—though I guess the cloak of anonymity allows you to be as nosy and self-righteous as you want without fear of reprisal, doesn't it?

Not that it's any of your business, but I'm working 50+ hours a week so that I can afford to give Sarah enough money that she and the kids don't have to noticeably change their lifestyle (the amount is more than twice what the state will mandate when we officially divorce).

I also spend as much time as I can with the kids (either at my place or at Sarah's), and I've lost count of how many times I've run over to Sarah's at the drop of the hat (often canceling other plans) when she's needed help with something.

I'm sure it's fairly obvious that your smug "curiosity" pisses me off. Whoever you are, please do me the favor of unfriending me on Facebook, because "friends" like you I don't need.

Sarah said...

I'm sorry Scott that you read this all when you were in the middle of working all night to meet deadlines for a client. I hope nothing I said bothered you. Thanks for what you are able to do for us. I do appreciate it. :)

You do make it sound like I force you to come over immediately for many little things. It really is only when one of the kids is sick and needs to stay home from school, isn't it? I do appreciate your help with that and I always feel bad calling you. Thanks again.

Scott N said...

None of that was meant to be a complaint about helping you. There have been occasions other than when the kids are sick, but you've never "forced" me to come help you with anything—I help because I want to.

And no, nothing you said bothered me in the least. It's the "does he ...?" comments (that really mean "he doesn't ..., does he?") that got under my skin (and sleep-deprived or not, I still think it's not Anonymous' place to be so accusatory and judgmental, no matter who s/he is).

Anonymous said...

Wow. Touchy. Me thinks you do protest too much.

Your lives are just out there for everyone to see and read about and I was curious so I asked some questions. You ought not infer too much from what I asked. You don't have a very accurate read on why I asked. Also, I think there are many others who would wonder the same things.

Don't get you skinny jeans in a wad.

Philip said...

Scott and Sarah,

Have a great Xmas and Happy New Year.

Being one of the many that have kept up with you guys over the years, I have often wondered why the ones that always come across like "Anonymous" always sign themselves "Anonymous".

Fortunately, Scott you always put them in their place.

Would it protesting too much to suggest "Anonymous" so called friends who try to make you guys look bad only end up making themselves look bad.


MoHoHawaii said...

I want to follow Philip's comment with one in a similar vein. You are two of the nicest, sincerest people I know. You've touched the lives of so many people for good. I feel honored to have met you both.

I wish the world of Mormondom (esp. its Utah branch) were a kinder place than it is. Like everything, it has its good points, but it also can have the social atmosphere of a hen house. You can be pecked to death if you don't watch out.

I hope you guys find ways to enjoy your beautiful family and all the good thing life has to offer you.

Much love and good wishes to you both!

Sarah said...

Thank you so much, both Phillip and mohohawaii. We will always be grateful for the friends we've met online and the support they continue to give us in a tricky situation. Many thanks for continuing to read my blog! Merry Christmas and God bless!

Anonymous said...

I have a question for scott and sarah come you post your lives and every aspect of them on both blogs and facebook and invite the world to read but then get mad when someone says something or asks a question for better understanding....aren't you judging them by assuming they mean the me the Anonymous writer before wasnt rude was simply asking a question and trying to support Sarah!! I think Sarah deserves support too!! And regardless of you saying you do stuff to help Sarah Im sure you do but plain and simply put in ANY divorce the girl usually always does way more and spends way more time with the kids it's just how it works sounds to me like the post came from a caring parent/person who cares about how all this is affecting Sarah too. Because from facebook posts and mostly both your blogs this whole adventure seems to be more about you (scott) finding yourself then being about both of you....people are just trying to show Sarah they care kind of sad you get so upset about people caring about Sarah. It really kind of makes you sound selfish. Good grief I have a friend getting a divorce and I asked her the same type questions about her soon to be's just questions nothing me try not to be so guys are on this adventure so you can be happy so you both can be happy but all I see on both blogs and facebook you both seem so unhappy and it makes me sad for you. I hope you both can find the peace and happiness you BOTH deserve try to give people a little more of the benefit of doubt that they aren't trying to be rude :) chin up life sucks but it will get better!! :) He never said it would be easy he only said it would be worth it!! Sorry if this post upsets you too

Sarah said...

Dear anonymous number 2:

This is my perception:

1. Due to stress and mood swings that are reasonable to our situations, we don't always react ideally to every comment.

2. Yes, our lives are public because we've discovered that other people find it helpful for dealing with things in their own lives. It is our individual choices to choose what to post and to not have to be troubled by answering anonymous commenters' uncomfortable questions.

3. I think the main thing that has bothered both of us for a long time is anonymous commenters. We have had some traumatic experiences with anonymous commenters from my ward. Especially when such commenters mention Facebook and therefore we know it is someone we must have a personal connection to. It would be better sent as a personal Facebook message of concern.

I'm not angry with you, just trying to help you understand. How do you think you would react in a similar situation?

Anonymous said...

Well first let me say I do understand where you are coming from because I know people (especially church people oddly enough)can be very judgemental and say things before fully thinking. But also see some of us really do care about your whole family and realize this cant be an easy situation for anyone involved....I have been through a divorce am recently single and have had to deal with questions myself of course my situation didn't have quite those complications but it had its own....I have to admit though while there were the stupid ones with their stupid comments there were also the ones I knew really cared and so I chose to read and concentrate on the uplifting ones and not get offended because in the end I was the only one hurting they sure weren't because obviously they didn't even care....just try to rememeber not everyone means things offensively it's hard to read your blogs and such and not feel sad for you both and wish there was something we could do to make your burden more bareable also as a side thought maybe Anonymous 1 was asking questions because they are in hard situation too and are wondering how you are coping and maybe looking for ideas but don't want to say obviously I don't know but just a thought you know....I can understand after being burned by peoples meanness it's hard not to get defensive but you guys are loved and not everyone is out to get you and even though someone might not understand it doesn't always mean it's not for lack of trying or wanting to understand take care I hope you all heal soon and find what you need :)you're stronger than you know and you're never alone :)

Scott N said...

But also see some of us really do care about your whole family and realize this cant be an easy situation for anyone involved ... while there were the stupid ones with their stupid comments there were also the ones I knew really cared

I know that some people genuinely care.

I know this because they talk to me, and they sympathize and empathize and never presume to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing. They recognize and respect that Sarah and I are both making hard decisions. They know us well enough to know that we don't make such decisions lightly. They trust that we know better than anyone else can what our situation is, and that we are dealing with everything in the manner that seems best or most appropriate to us.

I also know these people care because they talk to me—in person, without obfuscating their identity or hiding behind a cloak of anonymity.

"Caring" from some anonymous yahoo on the internet doesn't really mean anything to me. Someone who really cares would have no reason to hide.

Anonymous said...

Well when you have reactions like this Scott why would anyone want to leave their name....also I thought this was only Sarahs blog nothing was meant to offend you if you chose to take it like that then I am sorry and I truly feel sorry for you :)Sorry Sarah if this caused any problems for you....