Saturday, August 1, 2009


When I wrote my last post, I thought it would help to write things down like it usually does. Instead, it hurt others and threw me into an even worse state of depression than I was already experiencing.

Since I am not working right now (because it is summer and I am a teacher), I should have plenty of time to read blogs, but I have no desire to do so.

Being submerged in this community was very good for me for a long time, but it is no longer what I need for some reason. It no longer gives me "speranza", or hope. It is no longer serendipitous or followed with serenity. It is time for me to find learning and comfort through a different path, I think.

I will leave my blog up for others to read, that by observing my journey over the past year they may better understand their own, but I'm not sure I will be adding anything to it.

I will still be here at my computer frequently, just not reading or writing where you can see and recognize my presence. My email (address in my profile) will still come to me and I will respond. I would love to hear from you individually, knowing that you haven't forgotten about me, and I am more than willing to help with anything you need. And if at sometime I feel like blogging again, I will return.

Just kind of a closing look at where I am:

  • Scott and I still have a very good relationship, which I am grateful for. He has been very patient with me through my recent emotional breakdowns and is as supportive as ever.
  • Our relationship with the LDS church, however, is as shaky as ever, and I am apprehensive regarding what the future with that will bring. Scott told me yesterday that after our recent experiences with the bishop, that he feels like he is done, finished, had it. I want to keep going, but I was just as soon never see our bishop again, and it will be very hard to continue on my own. But with our children in mind, I will press forward and endure, and I have faith that God will help me and bless me in my efforts. I'm still thinking about the possibility of attending church in a different ward or stake.
  • I am hopeful that we will get a GSA club off the ground this year at the high school where I teach. I, along with two other adults on the h.s. staff and two students, attended a training at the Pride Center last Saturday and it was very inspiring and encouraging. We need to do this and we can do this, despite any resistance we may face. We now know more about the laws and ins and outs of "supervising" the club and how we can help to legally spread tolerance and awareness at our school.
  • We will continue our get-togethers with other MoHos (keep an eye on Scott's blog for updates on such), and I am hopeful that we can get our Family Home Evening event going, starting a week from today (August 8th). Scott and I especially need it for our own spiritual welfare, and so we hope others will come and help us to continue to have a desire to study the scriptures and keep God in our lives.
Thank you for all of your comments, prayers and support over the past 11 months. It has been an amazing journey. I will always cherish the friends I have made here and hope you will continue to stay in contact, and I wish you all the best in your individual lives and journeys.

Peace be with you!



marci said...

That kind of makes me sad. I am really wondering what the Bishop has done if you ever care to share at my email I know that what you are going through is definately different than what happened to me but I still feel like I can relate to a lot of what you have blogged about in the past. I feel like we have become better friends from simply reading your posts. Seriously email anytime. Marci

dcr said...

it does entirely stink to have a bishop that one is not comfortable with (much less feel like they can confide in). i do wish you the best and will continue to check your blog, just in case you post someting else. you're a remarkable woman!

The Wife said...

I'm sad to see you go. You were the first I was able to really relate to in our short blogging life we recently began. I understand, though. I'm glad you're keeping you blog up, because your story is so important for others in MOMs to read. Good luck with everything, and we'll hopefully get to meet you guys in a couple weeks.

Philip said...

I have heard others say this...

Sometimes a straight spouse is so concerned about the gay spouse that they neglect their own wants and needs to such an extent that they finally have to step back and re-evaluate what they are doing.

I know you have been wonderfully supportive of Scott. I have no idea if you have been neglecting your own needs. I am just saying that this neglect is all too common and that there is nothing wrong in asking the gay spouse to slow down or focus more on the relationship or for the straight spouse to not be there for the gay spouse as much as before.

One major clue is if the straight spouse's world seems to revolve around the gay spouse's sexuality. It's OK for the straight spouse to renegotiate so the straight spouse gets more attention they need and the relationship becomes more balanced.