Sunday, February 13, 2011

Rising above intolerance

The name of the club I supervise is RAIN--rising against intolerance now.

So, I have a question...

How do we do that? The students in the club as well as any of us?

The question came up in my mind as I sat in Sunday School, sort of listening to the topic of Christ's miracles going on in the background....

Meanwhile....err...um...me catching up on Facebook. I found this on the wall of a gay friend. He was very angry. He quoted a comment to a Deseret News article about legislation going on at the state capital. It shows an ignorant attitude of intolerance, and is very disturbing.
"Whether by choice or biology, gays have opted out of the child-rearing game. Gay adoption makes no sense.

"True love is defined by God as heterosexuality. May his mercy and love shine like a rainbow on those struggling with sexual perversion (i.e. addiction). Homosexuality is defined by sex. Heterosexuality is defined by God."

Horrible misunderstanding. My friend has every right to be angry, but does it do any good? Does it do more harm than good to post about his anger on facebook?

Maybe rising against intolerance should change to rising above intolerance. Satan is laughing at this battle because both sides are so angry. The contention withdraws the spirit, forces precious souls to leave the church for the sake of their own sanity, affects families and parents and siblings and children. To me, rising above intolerance means that it has to start with each of us individually. We have to be tolerant of those who are not tolerant of us. We have to replace anger with compassion. The only way things are going to change and people will learn is if they see the LGBT population doing good, serving the community, making a good name for themselves instead of just reacting with anger. There are many that ARE doing that, but it is the angry and protesting ones that make the news.

What if instead of protests, service projects are organized, media called and encouraged to report on it.

What if instead of lashing out, we forgive them, pray for our enemies and help to educate them. Many do not mean to sound hateful, they are honestly speaking out of fear for what they do not understand. Let's seek opportunities to help them see and understand.

More easily said than done, I know.

Lately I have been trying more and more to stand up for Mormons. When I hear LGBT groups bashing Mormons, I have not hesitated to say "I am a Mormon, and yet I am on your side." Sometimes I tell them more. Like "my in-laws are very active Mormons and they allowed our gay friends to get 'married' in their beautiful back yard." I have been amazed at my Mormon sister, my Mormon co-workers, some of my Mormon friends in my ward that are willing to listen to me and my opinions. And even though on occasion they kindly remind me that they do not share my opinions on gay marriage, they are still willing to open their hearts and listen to me without judgment.

And yet I know too well how much the words of outspoken and ignorant and intolerant Mormons hurt, especially when they come from someone in a position of authority. These people need our prayers and forgiveness, even when we think they don't deserve it. They are also God's children, and our anger toward them hurts no one but ourselves as bitterness poisons our hearts.

Any thoughts on how everyone can try to peacefully make progress with the religious community, and rise above the intolerance that comes from such?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

In God's Hands

Testimony meeting today focused on baptism and basic gospel principles, gratitude for the gospel and temple. We had a convert baptism yesterday, confirmation today. There was also a family in the ward that baptized a child yesterday.

I left the chapel right after the sacrament to go to the "mother's" room to feed the baby. It was the perfect seat for the meeting: a cushy rocker, Sebastian snuggled against me asleep, no other children to distract me, clear sound from the microphone piped into the room. The words of each testimony touched me and lifted me up.

My current bishop spoke of a time when he was not active, of leaders coming to his home and inviting him to church. He had attended as a child, but then he wanted nothing to do with it. A miracle occurred, and he suddenly saw the light that everyone was trying to tell him of, that he had never seen before. And somehow everything came together and made sense and had to be true. And now he rejoices in seeing others find that same light and truth.

The stake patriarch (our bishop when we first moved in this ward) spoke of spending the day in the temple yesterday, filling gaps in his and his wife's families (aka sealings) that should have been done long ago. He spoke of a temple worker that said Satan likes to see us worrying. We will do much better if we can stop worrying and put everything in God's hands and have faith that things will work out.

Many spoke of Gods love, how he loves each of us so much individually. He is aware of our struggles and everything going on in our lives. He loves us no matter what we've done or where we are in our journeys.

A child spoke of attending a friend's baptism yesterday. I thought about the child. He is usually happy and always helpful. My boys and nephew walk home from school with him. When I pick them up, while my boys are fighting over who gets to sit where, this child gives up his seat to make someone else happy. When my nephew was having a bad day and decided to walk, this neighbor child volunteered to walk with him to let him through the shortcut in his yard. He carried the nephew's science fair project home for him this past week. At age 9, he is an amazing example of kindness and service.

My heart is full of gratitude today for my neighbors and friends in our ward. Not all of them handled Scott's coming out very well. But they are inherently good people, and I think many of them have learned from the experience with Scott and are better because of it.

In Sunday school we talked about Christ's example and teachings about loving and serving others.

We discussed how God works with bad things in our lives to make us or our circumstances actually better in the long run, whether the bad things are results of our choices or just things that happen.

The bishop commented about how far ahead he thought he would be if he had come back to church sooner. But we discussed how having that experience made him the understanding man that he is, because he's been there.

My brother and his wife went through a tough time a few years back, and they are struggling with their children now, which I feel is at least somewhat a result of the other thing. But my sister-in-law says that she now has the husband she had always wanted as a result of their trial.

Days like today make me feel like there is hope that someday Scott will come back to  the church and/or me and our marriage. I've told him that, and he cannot see that ever happening. I mentioned it to one of our friends, and he also became concerned that I was putting hope in something that is very unlikely. But for some reason, the spirit keeps putting it in my head, whether for some sort of comfort that I need right now (and that my children need), or because God knows all things from beginning to end.

All I can do is remember that my life is in God's hands, and that He will help me make the best of what I've got.

I've been dreading the upcoming holiday, "single-awareness day," some call it. But I am trying to think of it as "children appreciation day," and I'm working on obtaining the perfect gift for each of them. I love to doorbell-ditch gifts for them on the porch, the same way my mother did for me. Maybe I will take them all to dinner, too. The spaghetti factory would be great. And since it's Monday, and Scott has not yet found his special someone with whom to share the day, maybe he will join us, and it will be perfect.

I made a wish list before Christmas, and one item was a "mother's ring" to replace my wedding ring. So that is what Scott gave me for my birthday last month. It required resizing, and I just got it back yesterday, so today is the first day I've been able to enjoy wearing it. I found myself staring at it at church, showing it to some of my friends (same way I did with my engagement ring almost 16 years ago), and while doing so feeling extremely grateful for my five precious children, and so many other incredible blessings in my life.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Rumors

Scott and I debated about whether or not to include a "newsletter" with our Christmas card this year. One thing was for sure though--if we did write a letter, we wanted to be completely honest with our friends and family.

As December arrived, I started to play around with words on paper. I came up with a letter I was comfortable with, and then I forwarded it to Scott for editing.

I was only slightly nervous the morning I dropped them in the mail, to aunts and uncles, college roommates and friends from high school, to people from our ward who have moved away, and to Scott's mission president. But I thought it best not to beat around the bush, to prevent rumors and hearsay and just let the truth be known, to prevent awkward excuses or conversations at future reunions.

Instead, I have now heard from a man in the ward, who talked to Scott's step-cousin who heard from his parents about our letter, and I probably have just fanned the flames of the rumor mill instead of calming them. :D I wonder if our parents have received concerned phone calls from any of their sibblings. If so, I wonder what they are saying. Even though I wonder, I honestly don't want to know. I will let them be awkward. It could be good for them!

We also received an interesting letter from Scott's mission president, saying that the only reason a marriage falls appart is if one of the spouses is sinning, and so that spouse should confess and repent.

Anyway, for those of you who are not lucky enough to have received a Christmas card from us, here are the important parts of the letter. Enjoy!


Every year brings many adventures, and 2010 has definitely been no exception. In fact, Sarah's motto this year coincides with this year's Young Women's Theme in Joshua 1:9. "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

The most significant event of the year was the birth of baby Sebastian on June 28. He is our pride and joy, and all of his siblings spoil him terribly as none of them can ever handle hearing him cry. In fact, they might cry collectively more than he does as their fights over him often end in tears. Mom and Dad definitely appreciate all of the help, especially when it comes to diaper changes and babysitting (for those much needed nights out).

(The letter proceeds to talk a little bit about each of the other four children.)
 
The toughest adventure has been the "separation" of Scott and Sarah. For now, they continue to live in the same house, (and plan to continue to do so indefinitely while they raise the children) and they remain good friends. In fact, if you were to peek in at our family at a random time, chances are things would appear no different than they've always been.
 
Scott continues to work for ______________, where his focus has changed from IT to graphic design and marketing. He is dating occasionally, and hopes to eventually find a new life partner to share his heart and dreams with.
 
Sarah continues to enjoy teaching math full time at _________ High School, supervising the RAIN club (the school's gay-straight alliance, "Rising Against Intolerance Now"), and spending the rest of her hours, both day and night, with her five greatest blessings (the children). She is not anxious to play the dating game and does not plan to date in the near future—unless she happens to stumble across a (straight) man who sweeps her off her feet.

We are aware of and ever grateful for the prayers that are uttered in our behalf. It's difficult to imagine what this year would have been like without the support and love of family and friends, and without the love and atonement of our Savior, whose birth we celebrate at this time of year.

Without a doubt, many more adventures await us in the coming year. We hope this greeting finds you happy and healthy, and blessed with faith and hope and the support of angels as you face your own adventures with strength and courage.

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Utah GSAs

I've tried to keep information about the gay-straight alliance at my school on a different blog, to help with student privacy issues that others at my school were concerned about. But the club is alive and well, the officers are awesome, and more importantly, similar clubs at other schools throughout Utah are blossoming.

Here are links to a couple of news articles, if you've missed them. Text for the articles is listed below them so that when they archive them, I still have them. :)

Salt Lake Tribune
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/home/50845394-76/gay-clubs-utah-county.html.csp

New York Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/us/02utah.html?_r=1&ref=erikeckholm



By Rosemary Winters

The Salt Lake Tribune
First published Dec 17 2010 07:09PM
Updated Dec 20, 2010 09:28AM

Stetson Sheffield aimed to create a safe space for himself and others at Clearfield High as he started his senior year at a new school.

Chantel Bleazard wanted to stick up for her gay and transgender peers at Tooele High.

Struck by the loss of a friend, Mario Ramirez, a Bonneville High senior, hoped he could help prevent other gay teen suicides in his community outside Ogden.

They are just three of the dozens of students who have launched gay-straight alliance (GSA) clubs at Utah high schools. This year, the number of such clubs has nearly tripled in the Beehive State, growing from 10 in 2009-10 to 27, from St. George to Logan, according to the Utah Pride Center’s GSA Network. Students are working to open additional clubs next year at schools in Pleasant Grove, Vernal, Grantsville, Sandy and South Jordan.

“These GSAs are wonderful, safe, open and affirming environments where young people can just be who they are,” says Valerie Larabee, Utah Pride Center executive director. “That’s a rare space for some youth, particularly in a conservative, religious state.”

She credits the expansion of gay-straight clubs both to the support offered to students by the 1-year-old GSA Network — including help crafting by-laws — and to a “softened” climate in Utah for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ endorsement of Salt Lake City’s adoption of anti-discrimination protections for gay and transgender people in November 2009 was a turning point, Larabee says. The church opposes gay marriage and teaches that same-sex relationships are sinful, but has grown increasingly vocal in urging compassion toward LGBT individuals and condemning their mistreatment.

“Across the board, I think it has allowed more public dialogue about our issues,” Larabee says.

Until now, the expansion of gay-straight alliances has been sluggish in Utah.

The first alliance debuted at Salt Lake City’s East High in 1995, prompting the school district to shut down all non-curricular clubs, a move that led the American Civil Liberties of Utah to file two lawsuits on behalf of students. In October 2000, Salt Lake City School District reinstated all nonacademic clubs, including East’s GSA, and the ACLU dropped its litigation.

Controversy sparked again when Provo High approved a GSA for 2005-06, a first for Utah County. As a result, the Utah Legislature passed a school clubs law in 2007 that forbids clubs from discussing sexual activity outside of legally recognized marriages or contraception. The law also requires parental permission slips for membership in all secondary school clubs.

“I would rather not see [gay-straight alliances in schools], but it’s not up to me,” says Sen. Chris Buttars, the West Jordan Republican who sponsored the 2007 law after repeated attempts to quash GSAs. “It’s up to the principal and the parents. That’s who should make decisions about these kids.”

Buttars says he has no plans for further legislation directed at student clubs.

The 1984 Equal Access Act, which requires that schools that receive federal funding give all noncurricular clubs equal access to school resources, and the First Amendment both protect students’ right to establish free-speech forums, whether or not school administrators agree with the subject matter, says Darcy Goddard, legal director of the ACLU of Utah.

Despite clarity in federal law and many court decisions, Goddard says she still runs into instances where students are being blocked from forming gay-straight alliances.

Last spring, GSAs were approved at four Washington County School District high schools after the ACLU alerted the district that its own content-neutral club application was not being uniformly used by schools.

“We had been told there was some resistance in the schools,” says Kelly Blake, president of the Washington school board. “[Homosexuality] goes against the morals of the community.”

But, he adds, “as a board, we looked into what these clubs really do, and what they teach is tolerance.”

In July, Tooele County School District approved a GSA at Tooele High — a first for the district — after the application process stalled for much of the 2009-10 school year over whether the club should be allowed to have the word “gay” in its title. Goddard, in a letter to the superintendent, insisted censoring the club’s name would violate federal law and the First Amendment.

“If it wasn’t for the ACLU, we probably still, to this day, would not have it approved,” says Bleazard, the 17-year-old president of the Tooele High GSA. “It’s been a really positive thing for our school to kind of open up its mind. … We still have a lot of work to do because a lot of the kids are scared to join it.”

The gay-straight clubs, which offer social and service-oriented activities, promote safe school climates for all students, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The groups may tackle issues such as anti-gay bullying and suicide prevention.

Last year, 85 percent of LGBT students in middle and high school experienced verbal harassment at school, according to a nationwide survey of 7,621 teens by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). Nearly one in five said they had been punched, kicked or injured with a weapon because of their sexual orientation.

Students at schools with a gay-straight alliance were less likely to hear homophobic remarks from their peers and more likely to feel a sense of belonging, according to the report.

In January, Sheffield and members of the Clearfield High Gay-Straight Alliance plan to tackle the term “that’s so gay,” which teenagers often use to describe things they don’t like, in a video skit for the school. The group hopes to raise awareness that the term is hurtful.

At a recent club meeting, Sheffield asked members of the GSA to question stereotypes.

“What is a stereotypical lesbian?” he asked. “What is a stereotypical Mormon?”

Students shared their own experiences of being stereotyped and of seeing through labels they had placed on others.

“You guys need to be the champions of diversity,” adviser Jenny Williams, an English teacher, told the students. “You need to be the ones who accept others first.”

***********************

A version of this article appeared in print on January 2, 2011, on page A13 of the New York edition. By Erik Eckholm

ST. GEORGE, Utah — Some disapproving classmates called members of the new club “Satanists.” Another asked one of the girls involved, “Do you have a disease?”

But at three local high schools here this fall, dozens of gay students and their supporters finally convened the first Gay-Straight Alliances in the history of this conservative, largely Mormon city. It was a turning point here and for the state, where administrators, teachers and even the Legislature have tried for years to block support groups for gay youths, calling them everything from inappropriate to immoral.

The new alliances in St. George were part of a drastic rise this fall in the number of clubs statewide, reflecting new activism by gay and lesbian students, an organizing drive by a gay rights group and the intervention of the American Civil Liberties Union, which has threatened to sue districts that put up arbitrary hurdles. Last January, only 9 high schools in Utah had active Gay-Straight Alliances; by last month, the number had reached 32.

The alliances must still work around a 2007 state law that was expressly intended to stifle them by requiring parental permission to join and barring any discussions of sexuality or contraception, even to prevent diseases.

Gayle Ruzicka, president of the Utah Eagle Forum, a conservative family group, promoted the law. Its authors expected, she said, that requiring parental permission would deter some children from joining the alliances and that restricting topics for discussion would mean that “there’s not a lot of purpose in being there, and the clubs end up being pretty small.”

“I just don’t think these clubs are appropriate in schools,” Ms. Ruzicka said. “You can talk about providing support, but you’re also creating a gay recruiting tool.”

But members of the new clubs said they were undaunted by the restrictions, which they said showed a misunderstanding of what the alliances meant for students who had often lived with fear and shame — at home and at school.

Kate Hanson, a 15-year-old bisexual sophomore at Snow Canyon High School, said that having the alliance “helps you realize that there are others like you and there are people who support you.”

“I was so excited when I heard we could have a G.S.A.,” she said. “I just thought it would be a fun club.”

With the increase in alliances, Utah is joining a growing national movement to provide friendly meeting places in schools for students who have often felt like misfits, clubs where gay youths and their supporters can socialize, speak out against discrimination and sponsor events like the Day of Silence in honor of bullied students.

Since the first club was formed in Massachusetts in 1988, by a gay boy and a straight girl with same-sex parents who were tired of being stigmatized, the organizations have spread to most of the country, reaching more than 4,000 high schools and even a handful of middle schools by 2008. The clubs are surging anew after recent publicized suicides of gay teenagers, said Eliza Byard, director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network in New York.

The struggles of the alliances in Utah are known to advocates around the country. In 1997, when Salt Lake City school officials discovered that they could not single out alliances for a ban, they took the extraordinary step of outlawing all extracurricular clubs in district schools.

That move drew national attention and helped spur the creation of new alliances in other states, said Carolyn Laub, director of the GSA Network, a group based in California that provides leadership training.

The Salt Lake district eventually backed down, but as of last January, only nine clubs were active in the state, six of those in the capital.

Publicity about the breakthrough in St. George, an isolated city in the red-bluff desert of southwest Utah, has inspired students in other parts of the state, and by last month at least 32 clubs were operating, said Eric Hamren of the Utah Pride Center in Salt Lake City. He spent last spring and summer locating and training student organizers, finding some of them at the annual Queer Prom that his organization puts on for gay and lesbian students around the state.

But resistance continues. Some schools are still imposing legally shaky barriers, like requiring the unanimous approval of student officers or prohibiting activities that violate “community morals,” said Darcy Goddard, legal director of the A.C.L.U. of Utah.

As she did in St. George last year, Ms. Goddard has warned officials that such policies may violate the federal Equal Access Act— a law passed by Congress in the 1980s, mainly to protect Bible study groups in schools, that has become a prime tool for protecting Gay-Straight Alliances from arbitrary hurdles.

In 2007, conservative groups pushed through the state Student Clubs Act, still on the books, that was aimed at the alliances and reflected what rights groups called misleading stereotypes.

The law requires parental permission for participation in all school clubs and says organizations can be barred to “protect the physical, emotional, psychological or moral well-being of students and faculty.”

Students say the law reflects misconceptions about both homosexuality and the alliances, which in many cases are led by straight girls who want to support gay friends or siblings. The club at Dixie High School here, for example, is led by Bethany Coyle, a senior who describes herself as straight and a supporter of equal rights. She said that one vice principal had asked if the club would recruit homosexuals and that students had scrawled epithets on a sign-up sheet, scaring off some potential members.

A teacher advising one of the new clubs in St. George said that he opened each of the weekly meetings with a reminder of the forbidden topics of discussion, but that it was proving irrelevant. The students, he said, seemed more interested in making friends and planning events.

Jason Osmanski, a 17-year-old junior who was a driving force behind the new alliance at Snow Canyon High School and now serves as its president, said that while members sometimes shared stories of harassment, they did not need to discuss sexuality at the meetings.

If the students’ legal right to a club seems firmly established, antigay feelings in the community persist. Alliance members in St. George were disheartened by school board elections this fall, when several candidates spoke out against the groups, saying they hoped parents would refuse to give their permission for students to join.

The students say that they are ready to adapt to any reasonable conditions, and that they will persevere.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Love

It has been a long time since I posted, simply because life is so busy.

But a short but touching conversation on Facebook ensued today, and now that I am between doing grades and preparing for a (hopefully) relaxing weekend, I want to post it.

Friend 1:
I came across this quote today and I could relate so much ha! :

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love" - Neil Gaiman
Friend 2:
Love is overrated, yet I can't get enough of it. Now, that I think about it, it's not that much different than Fettucine Alfredo with clams.
Me:
Wow. That quote is perfect to what I am feeling regarding my relationship with Scott. I am so not anxious to try it again.
Friend 3:
Oh, how much I enjoy Neil Gaiman. Believe it or not, that's from a comic book.
Friend 4:
I have to disagree. Love is wonderful. Love is ennobling and uplifting. Love makes you strive to be better and bless the life of another person. Love is beautiful.
Friend 5:
He is right, love can be beautiful. What Neil is talking about is "unrequited love" which is another thing entirely. And the hard part, as Sarah's situation so achingly exemplifies, is loving a person so completely that you are willing to take the hurt, the pain, the humiliation while everyone else watches you---and sometimes while NO ONE knows--- and keep plodding along. Even though inside you feel like you're being ripped apart, but for love of that person you take it, calmly, patiently, with some hope that one day he or she will understand what you have done for him/her. Even walking away from someone you love can be an act of love, if you know it will make that person happy to be free to find another . . .
I could not have put it better myself. I am grateful for good friends that can help me feel--and understand what I feel.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Tough night...tough life

It was supposed to be glorious. My son, of everyone, was most excited for me to have my recommend.

So we made plans. Temple across the valley from our home where Scott's parents work in the baptistry. Joseph Smith's birthday, the Christmas season upon us. Done with school yesterday, fun shopping with son to buy him a new suit this morning, massage this afternoon, perfect ending to a pretty good day. My sister and her kids joining us for the adventure.

Then...there's the traffic of last minute shoppers and it's dark and i don't know where I'm going. The fog thickens as we climb elevation, the windshield either speckled with moisture or streaked from the wipers and impossible to see through. Finally, we arrive in one piece. And then...

I forgot to check the date on my son's recommend. It is his first recommend--he's not ever had to think about expiration dates. What 13-year-old does? And it was in my possession--he didn't even have it if he did know to think about checking the date.

It expired at the end of November.

And I have no one to blame but myself.

At least he looks amazing in his new clothes, clear down to his shoes. And I've already made an appointment for him for a new recommend on Sunday. (Got in trouble with the temple worker at the desk for using my cell phone to call the executive secretary.)

Shucks.

And then my tears start to fall, and fall, and don't stop. Why didn't the spirit remind me about the expiration date? It didn't even enter my head? Why don't I feel peaceful and calm now that I'm here? Isn't that how I'm supposed to feel at the temple? I should be able to handle this with grace. I'm stronger than this. It is totally my own fault--not the temple workers' for enforcing the rules. But why do I feel resentment toward them? Why do I just want to swear? Why do I hate that they smile as they explain to my son that they are sorry, but there are no exceptions? Why am I so uncomfortable here, like I don't belong here, like I'm not good enough.

And then...why me? It was supposed to be for eternity...my marriage...my family. Why did all this have to happen, with Scott not here to comfort me, the one to drive through the fog or the one to remember to check on the expiration date?

And now I lay here in my bed hours later.

And I continue to cry. Scott agreed to take the baby for the night so I can try to get some sleep for once. He is a good man, a good friend and dad. He treats me like he loves me, and I know he does. My pain becomes his pain, but that doesn't change who he is--doesn't change his ability to be something he's not and believe or feel things that he doesn't.

FML.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

God's wisdom

I've always wondered about a main element in the history of the world in the church. Every time I have attended the temple, I have wondered...

If obedience is so important, then why did God command Adam and Eve to NOT eat of the fruit, but then their transgression was essential for the rest of us in the plan of salvation. Why would he give them a commandment that they were required to disobey?

In the book of Mormon, we read:

24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. (2 Nephi chapter 2).

A girl in my ward who recently returned from a mission bore her testimony today, focusing on this scripture, and how it is her favorite (and was throughout her mission) because it tells us we don't need to worry. God is in charge, and as long as we do the best we can, things will work out.

Her words touched my heart, both for my own life and for the future of the church.

I know many, many people who have recently resigned from the church because of the gay issue.

But I have faith that God knows what he is doing, and that all will be made right.

Look at this...

I read the scriptures before and after verse 24.

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.
23 And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.
24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.
25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy. 

So, is the "fall" of so many individuals right now also part of God's plan? Is it His wisdom to let these things happen so that men, all men (and women) regardless of their sexual orientation, might have joy?

Lots to ponder. The spirit was strong in my mind and heart today, filling me with faith and prompting me to share my own testimony with my children, that I do know the gospel is true, and that I know Heavenly Father is wise and has allowed things to happen and that everything will be right and good.

And so I keep doing the best I can, allowing my faith to grow every time the spirit touches my heart like this. It helps me get through the tough things...like still needing to face the stake president to get my temple recommend signed. :)